Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Ending 2013 with a snicker...


The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor in a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy! He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman. "Miss Fitzgerald," he said sternly - "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" "Sure!" she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oy mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub." The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand. I'm Pastor Fluff." The landlord said, "Ah well, if you're that far in, ye might as well finish." 

So long 2013, welcome 2014

I've been fighting with myself all day about this post. Do I do the selfish thing, tell the world to fuck the fuck off, and go hide in the closet with a bottle of rum and my sagging spirits, and whimper in the New Year? Or do I pull up my Big Girl Panties, you know the black ones with the straps across the ass and the big red bow, put the patented WiserAngel grin on my face, stuff the pain and hurt and disappointments in a wee little box, and party like an Angel should? What would Jesus want me to do? What's the polar opposite of that?

So what does an Angel do who's lost good friends, found good friends, is currently mourning the most recent loss and not really sure how to let go? Bear in mind the meds I'm currently taking severely restrict alcohol consumption. I've wrestled my demons for two days; we're all exhausted and it's starting to look more like snuggling. I'm beginning to believe my most stable relationships are with my demons; they've never threatened to leave me, never turned their backs on me, and always seem to be there when I'm at my lowest.

So, with the advice of said demons tickling my brain, I offer this:

May we take every pain and disappointment 
and use them as armor instead of anchors. 
May we face the coming year with humor and grace, 
riding the waves instead of letting them roll us under. 
May 2013 Fuck the Fuckity Fuck off. 
It can pucker up and kiss my ass.

NOT a Brazilian landmark


Monday, December 30, 2013

Goodnight funny.


My 2014 Motto

I have spent my life as a control freak; if I can't control the actions, choices or outcomes, I go a little nuts. And this leads me to overthink, overanalyze, and overplan/prepare. Yes, you can over-prepare. I doubt I can completely release my grip on the reins, but I can loosen it. I can open myself to the theory that I'm not omnipotent, and there are some things beyond my control. Mostly, the people in my life. The ones I love, cherish, care deeply about and worry about; but can't control. I can't make their choices, I can't protect them from the consequences. And I can't make them want to stay in my life, no matter how much I'll miss them when they leave. As for the coming storm, well, this is my new motto for everything:


P.S. If you don't know who Hagrid is, we seriously need to rethink our friendship.

Wiserangel as a dog

I swear, if there is such a thing as reincarnation 
and I come back as a dog, THIS is what you'd get...


Your afternoon Awwwwww

Some of these remind me of trying to get into my jeans...


And then roll over and go back to sleep


III to III request, via wirecutter

Most of y'all come here from wc's site, but just in case some of y'all missed this, I'm linking. The III community does this better than any group of people I've ever seen. When someone is down and needing a hand, this group is quick to respond, gives with an open heart and asks nothing in return. One of the many reasons I'm proud to be associated with all y'all.

http://knuckledraggin.com/2013/12/iii-iii-request/

Hell, I'd be giggling too


*ack, snort*

In spite of all the good wishes and prayers, it happened. The seasonal plague took me down hard yesterday. I'm talking pile driver hard, left at the alter with a case of herpes and a cheap zirconium ring hard. My aches and pains have aches and pains. I fought valiantly, tirelessly, but it wasn't enough. I just gave up the fight and let it roll me. So you'll be gifted with some random shit the next couple of days. If you don't hear much from me, don't worry, I still love you and I'll get back on it as soon as possible.


Sunday, December 29, 2013

Well? What was it?

Two weeks ago, let's leave it at that, shall we?


~sigh~

Can I keep it on until 2014?


The cute chicks are still sickly, and I'm circling the drain...



Saturday, December 28, 2013

Friday, December 27, 2013

My sincerest apologies

We got back from NM Christmas Night, everybody fat and sassy, and then....

Both girls got up within 30 minutes of each other just after midnight with a stomach bug, then coughing, aches, fever and chills. Took 'em to the Urgent Care clinic for Tamiflu shots and a round of sympathy. For them, not for me. It's been two very very loooooonnnnggggg days, and they are still sickly. I'm hoping they turn the corner quickly; the Dr. said the Tamiflu should kick in and start turning things around. Until then, I'm Nurse Mommy and I'm going to be a little light with the posting.

Hugs y'all!

Angel

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Warm Christmas Hugs

May you and yours have a warm and happy Christmas Day, love and laughter overflowing. And in the coming year, blessings of health and happiness. May we find peace without struggle; but if we have to fight, may we find Liberty with honor. I love each and every one of you.

Hugs,

Angel


Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A Very Merry (and somewhat sacrilegious) Christmas Greeting

Have a good and stress-free Christmas Day!


Merry Christmas Eve!

Headed to my folks' for Christmas Eve gnoshing and gift giving. Hope y'all have a good, stressfree day!


Monday, December 23, 2013

Two epic insults

Because you'll probably need them in the next few days.



Skeet shooting like a boss

Simply beautiful

I never cease to be amazed at the creativity of others. I, myself, can't draw a straight line with a ruler, so this blows my mind.


Or a woman's hour

Depending on "that time of the month"...


Can you tell at which point(s)
she took the Xanax?

A San Francisco Christmas


Saturday, December 21, 2013

From the Caligula Empire


That ought to be a hit with the Libs


Stolen from Sconsin Rick's FB page

Sad, but true

Actually, mine says, "You want to let someone else drive?"


Jalapeno Bacon Cheese Ball

I don't know about y'all, but my family is pretty much done with the big fancy dinners after Thanksgiving. Our Christmas is about visiting, football, grazing, football, presents, football....
You get the point. We don't do a big dinner; a couple of large subs, meat and cheese plate, chips and dips, and of course, cheese balls. Because nothing says, "Happy New Year!" like rampant colon pluggage.

Found this on Facebook, will be making many of these. Bon Apetite!



Bacon Jalapeno Cheese Ball

Adapted from Home Sick Texan
Ingredients:
8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese (2 ounces)
2 tablespoons chopped parsley
1 clove garlic, minced
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 jalapeƱos, stems and seeds removed, diced, divided
1 package bacon, cooked and crumbled, divided (about 6 ounces)
Salt to taste
Crackers for serving
For directions (if needed), go HERE.

Blood Pressure Check



  How would you like $ 168.00/day  for doing nothing ?
 The New Welfare Map



These 11 States now have More People on Welfare than
they do Employed! Last month, the Senate Budget
Committee reports that in fiscal year 2012, between
food stamps, housing support, child care, Medicaid and
other benefits, the average U.S. Household below the
poverty line received $168.00 a day in government support.
What's the problem with that much support? Well, the
median household income in America is just over $50,000,
which averages out to $137.13 a day. To put it another way,
being on welfare now pays the equivalent of $30.00 an hour for a 40-hour week, while the average job pays $20.00 an hour.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Because it's funny, that's why



Sometimes it's just too easy


Texas weather...again

Went to bed last night with a forecast of highs in the 40s and much needed rain, 60-70% chance. Got up this morning freezing my happy ass off, and a forecast of freezing rain starting tonight followed by 4-6 inches of snow tomorrow. WTF, Texas????? Take your fucking meds, you bipolar bitch.


Wiserangel's Word of the Day


What experiences in your life can be described as numinous?
Childbirth and parenting.
Rappelling.
When I learned to shoot.
Falling in love.


Crude, but true

And I'm pretty sure that's a specialized type of origami.


And FYI, if you haven't located the clit yet,
That's a pretty good road map.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Winners and losers

At the end of every day, I like to look back at the stats on the posts and see what y'all are reading; what's trending and what's tanking. Winners and losers. I don't like to toot my own horn, but I've gotten pretty good at guessing which is going to be a stinker and which is going to captivate y'all. I was WAY OFF THE MARK today. Way off. Way, way, way, way off. So far off, GPS couldn't even find me.

I honestly thought "Your tax dollars at work" would tank. You'd skip it after the warning. I thought I was pretty descriptive. Boy, was I wrong. The HUGE winner of the day with 238 hits and counting, y'all just can't get enough of the Gay Dude Obamacare ad. Wow. And only one comment, thank you Robert, that pretty much said it all. Coming in second was the Hit List of A&E sponsors with 160.

The one I thought was going strong and in good contention was the "embrace the suck" post, but it floundered with a mere 60 hits. But WAY more comments.

So, now that I've completely bored you with stats, you're probably asking yourselves, "But Angel, what does this all mean?" And I'll tell you....

There are some twisted puppies that drop by here, but they're sneaky and don't leave clues. Yeah, I know that's not an epiphany, but it's late and that's all I've got.

Now go watch some Jingle Belles....


Wirecutter milestone

This is how close wirecutter is to 5 million hits. That's crazy numbers. He'll hit it by morning, and he thinks nobody loves him....


Favorite

In honor of the rumor that Justin Beiber is retiring (he's not, sorry wirecutter), I offer you my favorite live performance of Life's Been Good. With several author notations.

1. I'm pretty sure at that point, Mr. Walsh only had a few functioning brain cells left over from the drugs and booze. They are all dedicated to music. The man can play the fuck out of a guitar.

2. Watch Glenn Frey. At the beginning, he's watching Walsh very closely and mouthing the lyrics. I think Frey knows exactly how many brain cells are left. He's also got a bad case of the giggles.

3. Frey and Don Henley look like the Bobsey Twins in their blue plaid shirts.

4. Could someone please give Timothy B. Schmit a goddamn sammich?

5. Oh and the horn section rocks.

Enjoy.





Aw, fuck!


When what to my wondering eyes should appear...

but a list of retailers you might want to jeer....

A&E sponsors list to boycott:
macy's
bass pro
walmart 
jeep
verizon
petco
home depot
exxonmobile
southern comfort
cabelas
liberty mutual insurance
pizza hut
bissell
kmart
olive garden


The BIG THREE? Bass Pro, Cabela's, Southern Comfort.  The three I doubt would care what you think? Jeep (GM), Verizon (NSA), and Olive Garden (loves Mooch). If you want to get to A&E, start hacking away at their financial root system.

Palate cleanser

Again, mea culpa. Here's President Reagan:


Your tax money at work

Okay, in advance, I apologize. Sincerely and profusely. And I beg your forgiveness. When this is done, I'll go sit in the corner, but I really think you need to see how your tax money is being spent to promote Obamacare to the gay community. I don't care one way or the other what people do in their bedrooms, I just don't want my tax money subsidizing it. If I can't tell you what to do (or not do), I shouldn't have to pay for your choice to do it. Simple.

This isn't exactly NSFW, but if you watch it at work and someone happens to pass by, you WILL have some explaining to do.  I put it after the break to protect you.


You can love me in multiple calibers

Wait....that sounded wrong...




"Hey A&E, embrace the suck"

Love this. The Silent Majority is tired of being told by the Radical Minority to sit down and shut up. I sincerely hope the Robertsons cut ties with A&E as soon as they are legally clear. We need to start our own network. The 3G Network. God, Guns and Glory.


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Granny Get Your Gun!

I love this! I want to be this spunky in my 80s. You go, Violet Mears! Rock on with your bad self!

"I decided I had cooked enough meals and kept them hot for him all these years that one day I told him, 'You stay home. I'm goin' huntin.' Never been huntin' before," she said. So far she has bagged eight deer, one an 8-point buck. "I'm probably the oldest lady hunter on the Eastern Shore."

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/12/05/violet-mears-82-year-old-deer-hunter/3876935/

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Can I go to bed now?

Just had a 90 minute battle royale with Teen Queen, bruised, bleeding, head pounding, BP dangerously high and slammed two fingers of scotch without blinking. I'm getting too old for this. I need to be somewhere between Vodka and Drugs on that chart.


Well, he IS a douche...