For the last couple of months, I've been slowly giving up. On everything. This is the danger one faces when indulging in fantasies instead of embracing reality. I'm ashamed I got trapped by it. I let FairytaleAngel out to play and she went bat-shit crazy, dreaming dreams and expecting Happily Ever Afters with Prince Charming. Silly little bitch. And while she took over, WarriorAngel took a leave of absence. So when the dreams started showing holes, and Reality bitch-slapped me, I started sliding. I stopped caring, stopped working out, stopped prepping, stopped planning, just stopped. A particularly brutal Mother's Day weekend, and I was done. I was ready to lay down and let the darkness roll over me. Why prepare to fight the Coming Storm when there's nothing good to fight for?
Last week found me going through the motions, chatting with friends, posting, everyday chores in a daze. When you feel too much, the soul's natural response is to shut off and feel nothing, armor against more heartache. When you get that low, the choice is to quit for good or fight. I just didn't want to fight anymore. And then Friday, nothing will pull you out of a black funk like your child writhing on the floor in pain. WarriorAngel wasn't done yet.
While FairytaleAngel has been sitting on the couch in her Snuggie, eating bonbons and watching Bridget Jones' Diary, WarriorAngel has been kicking my ass. We decided FTA needs to go; not only is she not pulling her weight, she's dragging me down. So she and her fairy tales, her Prince Charming and her Happily Ever After have been stuffed in a box, wrapped with multiple layers of duct tape and shoved in the black hole that is my psychological junk closet.
And then WarriorAngel proceeded to kick my sappy ass with the 90 minute WarriorAngel Basic Training.
3 15-minute miles at 4.0 incline
3 sets of 15:
crunches
push-ups
squats
bicycles
20-minute yoga cool-down
Who needs romance when you have endorphins? Next, back to a regular range schedule and back to looking for a private Krav Maga instructor who can take me before the Second Coming.
Good.
ReplyDeleteMy top blog.Its like my blanket as a child.
ReplyDeleteWell your troubles sound severe enough but my email is down so my troubles my be more severe.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see the WarierAngel back, Angel...
ReplyDeleteThe world is way to busy and blessed to have you wallow in sadness, despair and sorrow...
BTW... Rappelez-vous, le prince charmant ne montre son visage quand vous ne cherchez pas pour lui ...
;-)
As my old mentor (Linus of Charlie Brown fame) used to say; "No problem is so big or complicated, that it can't be run away from. "When I lived by that advice my problems kept getting bigger and more of them. Life is crappy from the inside of a Whiskey bottle. I started allowing
ReplyDeletemyself to run from only one problem
per month and having to solve the rest. Shit now my biggest problem is I don't have hardly any so solve
and none to run from. Now I mostly worry about if I'm going to have a glass of Jameson or Bushmills and if I can get to Cabelas to get my weekly ration of ammo.
You hang in there Kid you can do it.
You're a Ginger with Irish heritage
so you can rule the world or at least your world.
Take care of the little ones and yourself first and fuck the rest of the world.
Oh Yeah and FUCK obama
NEVER give up. NEVER give in. NEVER STOP FIGHTING. Love will find you when she's ready. Make sure that on that day, when "the One" finds you,it's the real you. Not that other bitch. ---Ray- P.S. --Angel if I could find someone to love a mean ass old hillbilly road tramp like me ;anybody can. I know that "blog buddies" won't keep you warm at night, cook you breakfast ,or fill the void in the house ,but we're here and we do care.
ReplyDeleteLived with depression all my life. Still struggle with it. There comes a point in every black period, though, where you have to look up at Life and either kick it squarely in the balls, or let it completely steamroll you. I recommend using steel-toed boots, personally.
ReplyDeleteYeah WarriorAngel! "Hugs"
ReplyDeleteToo bad the whole country can't seem to realize they need the same...
ReplyDeleteBeen down that road before. Went through an ugly divorce after only 6 months of marriage and after the better part of 3 years spending most of our free time together. Didn't see much point to things after that and almost let the darkness win. A lot of routine took over, just going through the motions and didn't give a shit about anything. The only thing that kept me going was my family and the time spent on the farm. From that point on I've changed my life and realized that if you build your life around someone else, your life isn't yours anymore and you aren't being true to yourself. Stay strong and if you need to talk....email me.
ReplyDeleteAngel you need to start a Patriot dating site to compliment wirecutters swap shop....
ReplyDelete"Patriots 4 Patriots: Where 'I've got your back' has a whole new meaning."
ReplyDelete