Changing the inner voices

I've spent the last few days cleaning out my Pictures vaults. All the stuff I've been saving for a rainy day; I realized if I haven't used it by now, it wasn't that good to begin with, so deleted. I reduced my inventory by over half just getting rid of boobs, bacon, butts, and booze.

The boobs and butts are gone, never to return. Yeah, you guys like them, but there are plenty of other places to see that stuff. Having them staring back at me daily, judging me, was not a healthy thing. So I pulled a wirecutter and banished their perky tatas and toned abs. Be GONE!

The bacon stuff I reduced to pics and recipes. Lots of mouth-watering, artery clogging, deliciously decadent bacon recipes. You're welcome.

But by far the biggest waste of space on my laptop were the negative pity party pics. The poor pitiful me, nobody loves me, I'm never getting laid again shit. I read every single one before hitting delete. And with each one removed, I felt a little lighter, a little stronger, a little clearer. I'd been saving this shit as definitions of what I'd felt AT THE TIME, but allowing them to live in my head and heart long after their usefulness ran out. Out of almost 600 pics, 279 were the most negative steaming piles of shit you ever saw. And they are gone.  The last one to be deleted was this:

And I replaced it with this:

 

 

I have absolutely no idea what's in store for me in the future. But I'm tired of limiting my options to only the negative life has to offer. I'm tired of setting myself up for failure, expecting to be hurt, running from opportunities, hiding from the future in fear that, yes indeed, it could get worse.

 

I spent a good deal of time last week cataloging my wounds and betrayals, my shortcomings and failures. And like anyone who's lived almost 5 decades, there's a buttload. But for every single one, there was the same asset. I'M STILL HERE. I'm still alive and kicking. I'm still moving forward. I'm still open to life and people. I haven't shut down, I haven't quit. That's got to count for something, right? When all is said and done, I'm battered but not beaten.

 

So with a lighter, much lighter, burden to carry, with way more puppies and kitties than pity parties, I'm moving forward. And just to prove I still have my sense of beauty and humor firmly intact, I leave you with this:

 

 

My beauty comes from within,

my vulnerability comes from my imperfections,

but my strength comes from my willingness to grow.

No person on Earth is perfect,

everyone is perfectly beautiful.