1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you have both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don’t miss ESPN Sports Center.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you have just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth.
B. An oxymoron.
C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. I hope we can still be friends.
B. I’m not in right now; please leave a message at the beep.
C. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU.
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
Good luck and let me know how you did.
""C" Of course! Sheesh
ReplyDeleteI won't be sharing those quiz results suffice it to say I finished between caveman and honey badger:)
ReplyDeleteWhy is she handing me this quiz??? Shouldn't he be making me a sandwich?
ReplyDeleteYep, socred 100% all c's. Catfish and I are good to go.
ReplyDeleteForeplay? More like one play.
ReplyDeleteI just want to get the pussy before it gets away!
Yet another one stolen from Richard Pryor.
Si
ReplyDeleteTerry
Fla
ROFL!!! I think we all know how the results will turn out for all of your regular readers. LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteC is an average grade, right?
ReplyDeleteGood. I'm average.
1. Do you fuck, or am I saving money tonight?
ReplyDelete2. Share what? in five minutes, I won't remember her name, or likely care.... Unless she is THAT GOOD!!!
3. It hits the back of her throat at 30mph.
4. We have counters for that!
5. Definition of eternity, the time between when you cum, and she leaves.
6. I'd just put her on top, and let her work it off.
7. Of course I'm sensitive, You're just doing it wrong!
8. Fourplay? is that two additional wimin, or an extra couple?
9. Would you mind leaving the lingerie, it fits your sister better than you.
10. A woman watch me masturbate/ Why, if she is there, would I be doing her job?
When my son was usher at the theater, he noticed a woman squirming in her seat. He asked what the problem was, and she told him the pervert next to her was masturbating. He asked if she would like to move, she said she couldn't, he was using her hand.
I aint going there! It's a trick!
ReplyDeleteSmart men, repeat after me.
I have no opinion.
Mine just bitched at me for kicking all the dog toys out of the trail, and said nothing.
No response necessary indicated that I was an asshole about it.
wtf? Continued no response.
1. I couldn't care less as long as the panties are coming off.
ReplyDelete2. Women can't decide what to shoes to wear for any given situation...like I'm going to ask her what she expects from a sexual relationship. If they were truthful they would say, "I don't know what I want at all, but YOU should expect much sexual frustration with a side of blue balls once I realize you're in it for the long haul, oh, and occasional passive-aggresive remarks about how you go to they gym to much (real life comment there) and should look more like that fairy vampire douche./rant
3. A gets you +1 on the sex/week meter.
4. D all of the above
5. B if it's cold and you don't have a dog
6. B and C if you weigh more than I can preacher curl.
7. C, sensitivity is not a masculine trait, we express love and caring in different ways, sensitivity is easily exploited in men and a kissing cousin to hubris
8. A, as I've gotten older I can appreciate the anticipation. That little zipper on the back of her dress going lower...lower...
9. D, what the fuck took me so long?
10. D, why the hell am I doing that with a woman in the room? Calloused man hands v. woman...yeah.
I guess I am a B- or C+
ReplyDeleteUm, where's the answer key? There were a couple of questions that were all of the above - I'm sure of it!
ReplyDeleteLeigh
Whitehall, NY
Yah, where's the results-o-meter? The summation, and the pre-built HTML so you can announce said results to the world on your blog? Ya'll following the example of the ObummerCare website experience?
ReplyDelete(Also, answer C to Q1 might not be appropriate in some diverse cross-religious relationships. Just pointing out the non-PCness before M. le Wirecutter does ... )
There is no right or wrong answer, all answers are valid a la Common Core requirements. Remember, it's not factual results that matter so much as it is the test taker's sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
ReplyDeletePlus, I thoroughly expect all y'all to answer C. That's why I love you.
And that's why we love you! ;-)
DeleteAngel, foreplay is important. If I don't tell her to get her ass in the truck, we are either gonna be at the bar all night, or doing it in a booth with an audience. There are no local bars I want banned from that badly except the Green Chicken, and they wouldn't ban people for that.
ReplyDelete