Kids say the darnedest things

At one point, we lived in a very, very old farmhouse with lots of "ambiance". Weird sounds, cold spots, moving shadows, etc. I would get Teen Queen up to go potty in the middle of the night, and on the way she'd do the same thing. Every night. Going through the living room, she'd detour a couple of feet to the right and say, "Excuse me, Sir," then head into the bathroom. Same spot going back, veer a couple of feet and whisper, "Good night." I never ever asked, but I found myself doing the same thing after a while. You know, just in case.

"What's the Creepiest Thing Your Child Has Ever Said To You?"

1. When she was about 3, we had a cat that had stillborn kittens. She asked if we could make crosses for them, which I did. As I was making them, she asked:
"Aren't those too small?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
"Aren't we going to nail them to them?"
Me: (after several moments silence) "We're not going to do that."
"Oh."

2.I was tucking in my two year old. He said, "Goodbye dad." I said, "No, we say goodnight." He said, "I know, but this time it's goodbye."

3. "Go back to sleep, there isn't anything under your bed."
"He's behind you now."

4. My 3 year old daughter stood next to her new born brother and looked at him for a while and then turned and looked at me and said, "Daddy, it's a monster, we should bury it."

5. I was sound asleep, and around 6 am, I was woken up by my 4 year old daughter's face just inches from mine. She looked right into my eyes and whispered, "I want to peel all your skin off."

6. My toddler went through a phase where she would just constantly say "hi" to things. "Hi hi hi hi hi hi..."
One day it came out sounding more like "Die die die die die...."
So I say to her, "What's that you're saying?"
And she turns to face me and just whispers, "Diiiieeeee....."

7. My kid's Catholic school is over 100 years old. There is a basement under the gym that's used for storage. I was subbing once and during recess, one of the kick balls goes down the stairs. A little girl was standing at the top of the stairs yelling, "Just throw it up to me." I went over and asked who she was talking to and she replied, "that big man down the stairs." I went down and there was nobody down there, and it's the only way in.
I asked some of the other kids if they have seen the man before, and they said "yes, but Sister told us not to talk to him." I asked them to describe "sister" and they described a nun. There haven't been nuns at the school in 40 years.

8. "Mommy, look what I learned."
Inserts tongue into mom's mouth during good night kiss.
"I learned it from a movie! It means you love someone."
Mom calmly gets up without saying a word and walks to her room.

9. I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, "Death is the poor man's doctor." And that was that.

10. Why are you crying?
"Bad man."
What bad man?
"There," points behind me at a dark corner of the room.
Lamp on bookshelf next to said darkened corner falls off as I turn to look.
She slept in our bed that night.

11. "So I shouldn't throw him in the fire?"
3 year old daughter holding her baby brother for the first time.

12.Yesterday, my 3 year old son told me, "today's (sister's) birthday!" I went into labor that night.

13. My niece was sitting on the couch with a weird look on her face. Her mom asked her what she was thinking about and she said, "I'm imagining the waves of blood rushing over me."
Turned out they had been at a local science museum with an exhibit on the circulatory system. One of the features was a walk among some giant fake blood vessels, and she was remembering that.

14. Not to me, but to his grandmother:
He was cuddling with her and being very sweet (he was about 3 at the time). He takes her face in his hands, and brings his face close to hers, then tells her that she's very old and will die soon.
Then he makes a point of looking at the clock.

15. My youngest (around 5 at the time) once drew a picture of a black monster, looked up at me and said, "He told me to draw this. He's coming for you. You better hide."