A truly sheltered life

Reading wirecutter's childhood memoirs prompted a couple of memories of my own. You want sheltered? Here we go.

Poppy worked for the natural gas company for almost 34 years, we weren't rich by any standards, but mom was magic with money. It wasn't until I was older that I finally understood what sacrifices were made and how tight things really were. But we kids never knew we were "poor", whatever we needed, we had. What we couldn't pay cash for, we didn't need. I grew up understanding the fundamental difference between a "WANT" and a "NEED".

We lived in an old abandoned farm house that Poppy bought for $800, moved into town, and fixed up. I'm very familiar with "sweat equity". Lived in that house until 9th grade, when he bought another fixer upper (or as mom called it, a "burner downer").  We moved next door into the larger "new" house the summer before High School, and my folks still live there. While growing up with Poppy the Disciplinarian and mom the jury, I had the ideal All-American life. Church three times a week, playing outside until the street lights came on (or Poppy whistled, could hear him 10 blocks away), and talking about boys with my best friends and not knowing what the hell they were saying. We had a classmate named B.J. Head, who was always being teased. I was 18 before I got it. Clueless.

So we're in the family car headed to church, I was about 13 and my brother was almost 17. I don't remember what he was doing, but I lost it and yelled, "You are such a dildo!" I'd heard my friend Laura call her brother that and it seemed to fit. Poppy hit the brakes, the shoulder and stopped just short of the ditch. Mom's face was buried in her hands and Gary was howling with laughter. Poppy turned slowly around and nailed me to the seat with a look that would guarantee I wouldn't have a boyfriend. Ever.

"Where did you hear that word?"
"Laura, sir."
"Do you know what it is? Shut up, Gary."
"No, sir."
"Do you want me to tell you what it means? Shut up, Gary."
"No, sir."
"Are you going to say it again?"
"No, sir."
"Okay, you're grounded for two days."(totally unnecessary, I never went anywhere."

I was 20 and in college before I found out what a dildo was. Now, that's a sheltered life.