I haven't had a lot of reasons to laugh lately. As a matter of fact, I've been pretty damned morose and unfit for keeping company with you good folks; so I've been keeping my distance, drinking distilled spirits and licking my wounds. Plotting and planning and trying to figure out how to survive a seismic shift in my reality. Sadly, I haven't come up with anything really workable, but I blame Jameson's.
So when I came across this last night and did more than grimace, I knew I needed to share. I now have an uncontrollable desire to wave at midgets.
Look, if you really need a reason to laugh, I'll drop my pants.
ReplyDeleteOh, sorry...I mean I HAVE A REALLY BIG GUN! I'M TOTALLY COMPENSATING FOR MY TINY PENIS!
Hey, I had to give the insane people their shout-out. ;)
Angel, hard time is too easy to come by. I hope you suss out the way through it. Remember the gang here, though mostly damaged themselves, are with you.
ReplyDeleteBTW, blaming the "Irish" is a long standing tradition. You have so many friends.
Speaking of microwaves reminds me that a semiconductor is a part time musician.
ReplyDeleteBada Bing
Terry
Fla.
Got two for you:
ReplyDeleteOk, So this German sits down at the bar and orders a martini.
"Dry"?
"Nein, danka, jost one".
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*Ahem* so on to the next one:
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her some help.
Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, “Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man."
The man heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, “Oh, thank You, God! You even sent me a Professional!"