What do women want? Introducing the Dad Body

Okay, we women are very aware that you dudes like hot female bodies. You like to ogle, and that's just fine. But deep down, we also know a lot of you have much different tastes when it comes down to reality. We're the same in our tastes and preferences. Yes we'll ogle this:

But in reality, what we really find attractive is this:

Behold the Dad Bod. An average male body, not ripped, love handles, beer belly, strong and comfortable. So why are women drawn to the DadBod? A couple of good reasons:

1. We just don't want to work that hard. I mean, seriously, if our men are spending so much time working out, measuring and weighing food, and posing, we feel compelled to participate. Great looking bodies take a lot of maintenance and upkeep, and frankly we're exhausted. Family, home, work, and then hours of working out? Unless you're a movie (porn) star, ain't nobody really got time for that.
2. We don't want a man who is higher maintenance than we are. It's fucking intimidating; and while there are some very self-confident, self-actualized women out there, most of us have major body image issues. We're attracted to men who we won't have to worry about leaving us when childbirth rearranges our figures.
3. We all want a fucking bacon cheeseburger and beer every now and then. Guilt free. And donuts.

Now here's where you dudes really score. Who is at the forefront of the Dad Body movement? Young women, college girls. Yeah, y'all have got it made. We ALL want your hot Dad Bods. Young chicks, middle aged chicks, Old Widow Kelly up the street, we're all watching you rock your love handles as you wash your trucks in the driveway every weekend. Yeah, you know who you are, strutting up and down the lawn, sweat rolling down your undeveloped pecs and abs, as you mow the grass. You smokin' hot Dudes.

And just in case you were wondering how to get your own lust worthy DadBod, I'm giving you a sample meal plan for your DadBod Diet.

Day 1:

Breakfast: Orange Gatorade and a Clif bar

Snack: Protein powder mixed into spoonful of JIF spread on one slice of white bread.

Lunch: two burritos of choice and a Wendy's Frosty (no fries for dipping).

Snack: two thirds bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and two beers of choice.

Dinner: Six slices of a large Papa John's pepperoni pizza and three beers of choice. Whiskey is an acceptable substitute.

Day 2:

Workout Day, heavy on the protein to maximize results of bowling or pick-up basketball, or hunting, you know.

Breakfast: Bacon, egg and cheese sandwich with extra bacon, coffee and orange Gatorade.

Snack: Chocolate milk

Lunch: Buffalo wings and cheese sticks, pitcher of beer of choice.

Snack: Leftover pizza

Dinner: Chipotle burrito bowl with double steak, sour cream, corn, pico, cheese, guacamole, and a large Coke.