Mom came home today. Yes, day three and they kicked her out. She has range of movement from flat to 90 degree bend at knee, has mastered the walker and steps, and demanded her freedom. So after a doctor's appointment (fasting bloodwork), getting the new van an oil change (400 miles over), I met Poppy at the hospital to get her loaded up and moved home.
Getting her out was an ordeal, think fidgety toddler in church that's gone on 20 minutes too long. She practically leaped from the bed to the wheelchair, and then complained Poppy was taking too long with the ride home. We got her up the stairs and ensconced in the guest room with her medieval torture device that bends and straightens her knee round the clock, TV remote, cell phone fully charged, snacks and water. Good to go, I left.
On the way home, I realized I hadn't eaten since yesterday at 5 when I had a broiled chicken breast, broccoli and some butternut squash soup. Yay. The van took a detour into Jeff's Grandburger for chicken strips and fries for the chicks and a double bacon chili cheeseburger and onion rings for momma. Fuck Paleo, this is fucking survival.
Max, who had been locked in the laundry room since 8:45 this morning, greeted me at the door like a kindergartener on Pixie sticks. I mean, he was flat out levitating. Took him out to potty and got him settled down in time to go get the chicks. Hamburger still waiting on stove. Max came with me.
Everybody home, fed, settled, blissful post-orgasmic smile on my chili stained face. I settled down to do some reading, check emails and relax. And the phone rings.
"Hi mom, what's up?"
"What....what..what's this...what am I taking here?"
"It's your pain medication. Remember we stopped to get it filled."
"It's, it's not, Tylenol? I take Tylenol."
"No mom, it's Norco, Hydrocodone."
"Codeine! I'm on drugs?! I don't want to get hooked, don't make me go on Dr. Phil."
"Mom, it's okay, you aren't going to get hooked, and even if you do I promise no Dr. Phil."
"Dr. Phil is an asshole."
"Okay mom, but it's working right? You don't have any pain?"
"Yeah, it's great! I love this stuff, I'm sleepy."
"Good mom, just snuggle down and go to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Okay, just stop calling me so I can sleep."
"Goodnight mom."
~lengthy silence~
"Sweetie?"
"Hey, Poppy, how you doing? She giving you any trouble?"
"No more than normal, you know your mom."
"Yeah, sorry about that. ~snicker~"
~lengthy silence~
"Okay, she's out, how many refills do you think I can get of this stuff?"
"I didn't hear that, Poppy. I'll call you in the morning. Love y'all!"
I understand completely. Dr. Phil is an asshole.
ReplyDeleteBet Poppy would go on Dr. Phil if he thought he could get another prescription from him.
ReplyDeleteTerry
Fla.
In a New York second, Terry.
ReplyDeleteAngel, sending my best wishes to your mom. I had a knee replaced 4 years ago, and the recovery was a bitch! I had one of those CPM machines (Continuous Passive Motion, for those who have never had one), but my knee still stiffened up. I also got blood clots around the replacement, so had to stay on warfarin for 3 months, getting poked to check the level of that stuff in my blood every week. :-( I also needed massive amounts of norco, and I did get hooked, although eventually (with my ortho's help) did wean myself off the stuff.
ReplyDeleteMake sure your mom does the therapy, as some folks give up on the therapy (because it hurts like hell!) and so they never get more than 90 or so degrees of bending (which makes it very tough to go up/down stairs). I did PT for 7 months after the surgery, and got my knee to bend to 122 or 123 degrees (120 degrees of bending is considered a successful knee replacement), although now it has deteriorated to only about 115 degrees. The PT was killing me, but being an old hockey player I used my old mouthguard to bite on when the PTs were bending my knee so I wouldn't bite my teeth together and break them!
Oh, one other thing.... After my replacement, I spent a week in the hospital where the surgery was performed, then went to a nursing/rehab facility for another week before they finally sent me home. While at the rehab facility I had a ground floor room, and deer would come right up to my window because somebody from the hospital was feeding the deer. I tried to get my cousin to bring my rifle to me at the rehab facility as I wanted to bag one of the deer right outside my window, but he didn't comply. He said I was on too many painkiillers and that I wouldn't have been able to shoot straight! He was probably right. :-)
--Rusty
Rusty, if your cousin was a true friend, he would have shot the deer for you. :)
ReplyDeleteYour Mom's reaction sounds like my Future-Ex-Wife's reaction to medications for outpatient surgery on her septum. Got her home, settled her on the couch for about ten minutes.
ReplyDeleteShe sits up and announces she's going to the bathroom.
Me: "Hold on, I'll help you."
She: "No I'm fine." (Stands up, walks five feet.) (I trail along, just in case.)
She: "I SAID I'm fine." (Walks ten feet, turns.)
She: "I SAID I'm fine." (Walks into bathroom.)
(Comes out of bathroom.)
She: "You selfish asshole, why didn't you help me?"
Upon further reflection, not so different from her usual behavior.
I hope she is feeling happy on her Norco today, those convo's can be quite pleasant..lol, sorry the flowers are at the hospital...Lane luck..lol, anyway you all are in our thoughts and prayers. Rusty, Robert is right, he shoulda shot it for you. Did they at least have cute nurses? And rickn8or...so sorry. Hey Critter...I like Dr. Phil...but then again...I live with Ken...so there ya have it...bye all!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your mom is doing ok. My fender and body shop is seeking approval to jab another needle in my spine. I tweaked something getting out of the burb at my daughter a few days after Christmas and it's been bugging me and not letting me sleep ever since.
ReplyDeleteAnd Painkillers can be easy to get hooked on if your Dr's office isn't paying attention.
I thank the Creator I've got a very GOOD Dr and he runs his office in such a way that it would be hard to get hooked. I don't mind all the urine and blood tests, I don't mind when they ask me to check in between appointments to monitor my pain levels. They have done everything they can to allow me to function using the minimal amount of medications for the last 9 years, granted some days I feel like owl snot and can't get out of bed, but that's better than the alternatives.
Reminds me of the one about the woman who's kids were stressing her out so much that the doctor prescribed Valium. She said it worked great until she found out it what for her to take.
ReplyDeleteIf your mom was younger I would say that Norco works better washed down with a dark ale, but it might not be good for someone of age.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I used to use Norco for migraines, but since the DEA and their wisdom made doctors wary to prescribe them, I find it harder to fight pain. And I thought that congress made the laws. That would be like letting the BATFE make gun laws. Oops, bad example.
Get well, Angels mom. Stay sane, Angel.
As the old saying goes, "the apple never falls far from the tree." best wishes to your Mom and may she be fighting fit soon.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear your mom is doing well with her recovery. Sounds like it takes a lot to keep her down. Glad you were able to hunt down some survival food for you and the cute chicks.
ReplyDelete-CM