This is a post I didn't want to write, something I didn't want to admit to having done and been through, but I think it's necessary. If sharing this can keep someone else from letting their guard down and doing something stupid that puts them at unnecessary risk, then it's worth it. So......
Saturday, we (and by that I mean me) participated in the Chamber of Commerce Citywide garage sale. Twenty three sales throughout the town, addresses on a map, 10 hours of insanity. I handled it alone because, well, I do that a lot because of circumstances. Anyway, sales were brisk through the morning and lunch, but around 4 started to drop off, so I started closing up shop and putting things away. Hadn't seen another soul for about an hour when this dude pulls in and asks if we sold the rototiller and can he look at it. I show him where it is and go back to putting things away. Mistake #1: I had almost $600 in my pocket and was alone with a man I'd never met in an enclosed area and I turned my back on him. I let my guard down.
He was there about 10 minutes asking questions and making small talk, and then he started talking about snakes, have I seen any, would I like to handle a live snake. I wasn't really paying attention and said "Sure," to which he responded "Here, start with this one." That's when I looked at him, he had his semi-flaccid whoo-haw in his hand working it. In a heartbeat, Mistake #2 registered: I had let him maneuver me to the back and he was between me and the exit.
Now let me offer this. I carry concealed, all day every day. One of the first things to go on in the morning, last to come off at night. If there was a pajama holster, I'd use it. I've had handguns since my first one before college, Poppy gave it to me. So in 28 years, I've never had to draw my weapon. I did Saturday. I immediately told him to leave as I was drawing, he took a step towards me with his other hand reaching for me, I raised my Sig and aimed. He registered what he was looking at, turned and ran back to his pickup. All of this happened in probably less than a minute. It was almost like I was out of my body watching it all. As he pulled away, I got the plate number, puked and called 911. The cops came, and in our little town they're still Peace Officers, took my statement, my description (very detailed) of both the jerk and his pickup. And before y'all ask, yes they know I drew my weapon, and both reassured me I'd done good. Like I said, Texas small town police. They don't take kindly to creeps assaulting women in their garages.
So, this is my tale. These were the mistakes I made: being alone in a situation that brings strangers to my home, letting my guard down around a strange man, not being completely aware of my surroundings, letting myself get maneuvered into an unfavorable position. My one saving grace? I was armed with a weapon that I practice with consistently. I was comfortable drawing it, and I gave myself permission years ago to use it with deadly force. If he had taken one more step, the police report would have been much different.
Physically, I'm fine. Mentally and emotionally, I'm a mess. I'm having panic attacks and I can't sleep. I get up at least every other hour to check the doors and windows. I think I've eaten maybe three or four meals in the last three days. Stupid little things make me cry. And all because I got careless and complacent. So please, pretty please with sugar on top, take this as a lesson and never let your guard down. I love y'all and I'd hate like hell to lose you.
Hugs,
Angel
Holy Cow!! You did very well.
ReplyDeleteSomething unexpected happened and you handled it like the fully capable woman that you are. I would guess your situational awareness went up several notches, to stay. The rest will get better quickly. Proud of you!
ReplyDeleteAs Jesse said - You did very well. And were a "Wise Angel" to get a good description of the pervert and his license plate.
ReplyDeleteHug the girls & your husband, and thank God that you are alright.And that you were mentally prepared to defend yourself with your Sig.
I will continue to pray for you.
Take care, be safe.
God bless
Griz - Alaska
I know what you mean about seeing it happen out of body... Very strange that feeling is. I'm glad you had a tool in your belt to make him turn away and run. What a scumbag. Stay safe Angel.
ReplyDeleteStrong work! Sure, you screwed up a little, but you turned it around and that took preparation and guts. Thanks for sharing the lesson.
ReplyDeleteWe all let our guard down from time to time. We can't be "on" constantly and stay sane. Yes, when we're tired and punchy we can make tactical errors that can place us at a disadvantage and if we don't have a back up plan things can go bad in a hurry. Fortunately you had a back up plan and it was able to extricate you from those previous tactical slip ups. Don't be too hard on yourself. Learn from this but don't beat yourself up. You did just fine.
ReplyDeleteWOW! That was a close call. I'm relieved that you came away unharmed. It would be a duller world without Wiser's Witicisms, so hang in there!
ReplyDeleteNothing says "Back the phuque OFF" like a SIG pointed at your nose. Or nads!
Good lessons and well said. It should help us all improve our situational awareness.
ReplyDeleteTerry
Fla.
Good lessons and well said. It should help us all improve our situational awareness.
ReplyDeleteTerry
Fla.
you are awesome like that so hurry and hold your head up high. wish the story ended with you shooting his snake but can't have everything.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are physically well on the mental part I can offer nothing there.I hope that passes soon.Be well Angel and don't beat your self up.
ReplyDeleteYou are truly a Warrior Princess and just proved to yourself you don't fold under pressure.
ReplyDeleteIt takes serious self control to do what you did in that split second and you proved that ya don't fuck with HisWiserAngel, bad things will happen.
Word will get around.
I nominate you for the Two Brass Balls Award with oak leaf clusters my dear.
You did good.
Please give us an update if they collar this freak.
Pretty much all of the above that everyone's been saying, bottom line you dun right and it's nobody's fault but elcreepo's, as for the mind/body's reaction to traumatizing circumstances it's been realized recently to be a pretty complex thing. And something that can take longer to heal than mere physical injury.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping that this is still small town enough that he "resists arrest" a few times on his way to jail.
Prayers being sent for your emotional and mental well-being. You done good, dearie, but it is gonna be tough to get over. It *will* heal, though, and you'll be fine.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, panic attacks suck worse than a $2 vacuum.
Grateful you and yours are alright and let us know if they catch that rat bastard. After your time of reflection and tears, pick up the sword and carry on.
ReplyDeleteMichael
Not your fault, Angel. NOT YOUR FAULT. Got it?
ReplyDeleteYou need to talk, we're here.
Do NOT blame yourself for this. "I let my guard down" is blaming yourself. NO ONE can be "on" 100% of the time. He took advantage of your trust and of the situation. NOT YOUR FAULT!
Thank God you are alright. Good for you that you had the presence of mind to do what needed to be done to stop this jerk. Hope they catch him and put him and his snake away for good before he hurts someone.
ReplyDeletei had a feeling something bad happened. take solace in that you recovered from your momentary lapse and be proud you were able to defend yourself. don't be worried, he won't be back, even after he cleans his shorts. you did good girl,own it warrior!
ReplyDeleteOh well done! Take care, remember to breathe, and remember you are NOT responsible for freaks being freaks.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Glad your OK, and you have had a learning experience. Don't beat yourself up over it, just learn and move on. Someday I will tell the story about my lapse and the price I paid for it. You did good in being prepared.
ReplyDeleteI hope when they find him he "falls" up the stairs to the jail at least twice. Or maybe he will step on a bar of soap in the shower.
You d a felt better if you would have just shot him.
ReplyDeleteI'm having panic attacks and I can't sleep.
ReplyDeleteGood. That means that you're still alive. You could be in that final, eternal peace state.
OMG! I'm so glad it turned out well for you. I'm so glad that you were willing and able to defend yourself! You are a hero to me! Take comfort knowing that you are there for your family and your training and mindset may have saved your life. I don't know whether it will help, but take a look at Lt. Col. David Grossman's book "On Combat".
ReplyDeleteAs small town Texans we live in a strange dichotomy.
ReplyDeleteCommon sense, situational awareness and keen self defense skills are sometimes compromised by the fact that we are generally nice to each other, strangers included.
I often explain it as being polite, friendly, and courteous, yet absolutely prepared to kill whoever I come in contact with.
You did just that. Perfectly.
You have had your value system seriously tested, and as far as I'm concerned, you aced it.
The PTSD (and that's what it is you are dealing with right now) will subside, but you have learned one of the most valuable lessons in life; that you can and will survive when it matters.
Atta Gal!
ReplyDeleteIf my pitiful words can help please hear me when I say that you are not alone. There are many of us who have been in like or similar situations when we weren't expcting trouble and found our selves in a situation where we were threatened and needed the use of a gun to settle the situation. while it is desirable to be alert all the time it is simply not possible. To keep ourselves in the mental condition of condition red will only serve to make us paranoid and isolated from those around us. Please take the time to forgive yourselfand allow yourself to kaccept the fact that you responded appropriately and meaningfully. Of this you can be proud. If you like, we can talk at a later time but I would recommend that you not be alone tonight just for peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteLove
Rebecca
Good on ya Angel!
ReplyDeleteLife will resume back to normal soon.
I bet the smile on Poppy's face reads, that's my girl.
ReplyDeleteOh so glad that you are capable of protecting yourself. Even more so that you were spared the mental trauma of having caused that POS to leak fluid on your home turf.
Men are supposed to protect women and children, not prey on them. The individual that preyed on you may be a male of the species but in my opinion fails to even qualify as a man.
You may not believe it now but you are both smarter and stronger because of the outcome of that encounter. Score one for the good people in life.
Echo all the previous comments. You did good, Sister. Breath, ride the emotional roller coaster, and know that you took care of business and stayed alive and physically unhurt for those you love and who love you. Again, repeat, NOT YOUR FAULT. Would have been better if he ended up with a dirt nap, but can't have everything. Eventually you will calm back down and be able to sleep. It happens to everyone who experiences a life and death situation. You will be ok, and you did just fine. Congrats, Sister, for surviving and doing exactly what you needed to. Not only the draw, challenge, and not shooting him in the back, but getting descriptions and plates. Good job, hang in there, talk to someone who will understand, and DO NOT KICK YOURSELF. Much props.
ReplyDeleteGeeze.
ReplyDeleteThe idiot didn't know the red hair was a WARNING?!?
Way to go Miss Angel.
"What doesn't kill you..". Hell, you know the rest.
ReplyDeleteI mean that in the large sense, the long run. You did well.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's a timely wake-up for all of us.
ReplyDeleteWell played ma'am, well played. Glad your okay hun!
ReplyDeleteI can only agree with everyone else, I'm glad nothing happened to you. The panic attacks will go away soon, just remember you were in the right, and you would have been in the right if you had shot the perverted waste of air.
ReplyDeleteAngel,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me but I read your blog everyday along with Kerodin and Wirecutter. You are a strong lady. You have performed as any of us male or female hope to do if faced with a tough situation. Thanks for posting this. I pray that the anxiety attacks stop peace takes their place.
jack
what they all said up above
ReplyDeletei say you done outstanding
i read this post just after this one
http://masondixonvixen.blogspot.com/2014/06/lady-balls.html
from what i read here you have plenty of people to talk to or vent to if need be and that's a good thing
sometimes shit sneaks up on ya
you done well - take care girl
livin to ride
Bravo babe... you did great!
ReplyDeleteand any word yet on the plates and an arrest.
ReplyDeleteThe perfect storm is almost always 4 unlikely events occurring at once. For you there were only 2. Never got to 3 because you carry everyday no days off.
ReplyDeletePanic attacks lessen and end. Getting up every 1 to 2 hours to check the windows and doors is a good thing for those that depend on you. Sleeplessness allows you to get important shit done.
Thanks for surviving. I would miss you. You are human and obviously loved judging by the previous comments. I am glad you will never have to hear that perverts dieing sounds. The world might be better off with his death, but from what I have read here you would not.
We all get over if we give ourselves a chance.
Gary L Griffin
In a way, I'm actually relieved. After three days passed with no posts I began to fear you had been hit by a bad driver and were in ICU in a coma.
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up for making a bad decision. You made many good decisions too. The first was when you decided many years ago to carry a firearm and become proficient in its use and the last was when you decided to carry it even though you were at home having a garage sale.
Count all the things you did right that day. You didn't freeze, didn't deny reality, didn't have a negligent discharge, you didn't have a 'startle response' and shoot the pervert, (righteous shooting or not, who needs the ensuing hassle, news cameras shoved in your face, etc) you got his licence plate number, called the police.
You survived untouched which is the important thing.
Al_in_Ottawa
Again, what everyone has said. Remember that the first time for any thing scary is always the hardest.
ReplyDeleteYou came through, yes you made a few errors, but you corrected perfectly.
What our fuckhead president would say, " it was a learn-able moment".Now kick back, have two fingers of Jamisons and say "DAMN I'M GOOD"
Glad you're safe, Angel...!
ReplyDeleteOff topic but a little III to III help needed. Thanks. http://mayberry-keepitsimplestupid.blogspot.com/2014/06/still-breathing.html
ReplyDeleteYou DID do well and kudos to you. I have been a martial arts instructor for a long time. I grew up in a tough neighborhood in The Bronx and I have also conducted self defense and rape prevention courses throughout my career. A problem I have always had with the latter, is that in a one day (or even a several day) course, a person will NOT be prepared. Even persons who are armed and/or who are accomplished martial artists have been known to fall victim. Hence, if I may, a few thoughts.
ReplyDeleteFirst, my most important advise has always been to trust your instincts. No matter how crazy it or irrational it may seem at the time, very often a person’s sixth sense is dead-on. Either they will find out (as you did) they were dead on, or because they were prepared to react, the worst did not happen.
Next, resist – ALWAYS. Make noise, put up a fight, or as you did, draw your weapon. I would teach in rape prevention courses that a person who resists an attacker is statistically more than 85% likely to come out of the encounter alive and relatively unharmed. The psychological profile of most rapists, as an example, is not someone who is looking for an erotic adventure, rather someone who is looking for control. They pick their scenarios carefully. Take away that control and the situation is likely to change in the victim’s favor.
Third, I NEVER taught those self defense and rape prevention courses without making it clear that in an actual attack, only that which is REFLEX, will happen. I would tell them to study and practice and learn from a qualified source. The same applies to both martial arts as it does to weapons training.
Another thought is this. Forget what you see on TV and in movies. It is 99% crap. An attacker, unlike most of their victims, is prepared. They have usually carefully calculated what they will do and where and when and they have played out those scenarios in their minds over and over. In your case, he waited until you were alone and when you would likely have something to take. I tell students that in the real world, a person you may come up again has probably been shot, stabbed, beaten and worse, probably on PCP and other drugs. Don’t expect one good kick (or gun shot) to do the trick.
Final thought and forgive my long-windedness. Know yourself and your reactions to these situations. I will tell you that in your case, EVERYTHING went right. First, most people freeze in such situations. Rapid pulse, binocular vision, the other physical anomalies. Time seems to be distorted. For example, did you feel week in the knees? I once heard Mohammad Ali say that when he felt week in the knees in a fight, he was glad. While people unaccustomed to that may think that they might pass out, it is actually a sign, along with the other things mentioned, that your body is producing adrenaline, big time. During those moments, you are far stronger, quicker and less sensitive to pain and injury than normal.
Make no mistake. You were WELL trained, you were prepared, you reacted valiantly and you overcame your attacker. Odds are that your display of courage and confidence probably did at least as much to scare him away as your gun. Any feelings you had of fear or insecurity at the time, or after the fact, are NORMAL. Even high ranking black belts I have known who fought off attackers successfully, when honest, will admit to that. Anyone that says otherwise is being dishonest.
Of course then comes the good feelings of satisfaction and self-pride knowing you turned the tables…
…probably made the jackass shit his pants at the same time.
CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU – Glad you are OK!
YA DID GOOD!
ReplyDeleteGood job. Proud of you, hope you get the mental part sorted out soon.
ReplyDeleteGotta echo all of the above. You did nothing wrong. The perv did everything wrong (most especially his victim-selection-process). Great response in a sub-optimal situation (and do NOT beat yourself up about that, NOBODY can be Bruce Willis' John McClain all day every day. That kind of crap is only possible in the movies). Find someone to talk to during the panic attacks (this is where you find your true friends, and you have a metric butt-load of them here!), but most of all, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. You got yourself home to your girls in one piece. Mission accomplished.
ReplyDeleteYou are in our prayers!!!
Oh, and let us know when the cops find this douchebag and toss him and a jar of Vaseline into General Pop. Or some local farmer catches him and ends up using him to fertilize the back 40. Either way works.
You handled that with grace. I'm happy you're OK.
ReplyDeleteI have been a bit remiss on the blogs and just got by here. DAMN!
ReplyDeleteGood job on protecting yourself.
You never know. I try and tell myself and others that all the time.
Hang in there, hope the shitbag gets his one day.
After your psyche heals, as it surely must, you will have time for reflection. Your reaction was perfect. The fact that you did not have to shoot him is wonderful; you won't have a mess to clean up and your stress level isn't as high as it would have been.
ReplyDeleteYou have the right instincts, too. Continue to train and train.
Your only error was allowing yourself to spend time in 'Condition White' or as the NRA calls it 'Unaware'.
One of your supportive commenters mentioned that living in Condition Red all the time is not possible. But it is possible to spend all your waking hours in Condition Yellow.
Train with your chosen weapon, work out scenarios, and also practice being aware of your surroundings.
God Bless.
Thank you for sharing this lesson. I'm glad you are ok. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteDang Angel! Well done!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry about the stressin' and sleepin'. You'll ALWAYS get over that, like we all do. Like they were saying up top, this was not your fault. No one's ever completely prepared, and you shouldn't demand that of yourself. You're prepared enough, obviously, and you'll keep working on it. Ultimately, don't forget that you're never alone, and I'm not talking about the pervs. Talking about those *other* angels. ;) -Grunt
Really sorry you had to go through this, but even more glad that you had the mindset, ability and above all the effective tool in hand with which to defend yourself.
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, please don't beat yourself up about being caught a little off guard - you reacted quickly and effectively when the need became clear. You are not the first and will not be the last to have relaxed because you are at home or in familiar surroundings.
I do confess to being envious of the reaction of your local police to your report - if the same thing had happened in the UK, there would be hopeless indifference if the offender had escaped (nothing happened, your word against his, no police action needed etc..), or if the offender had hypothetically run into something sharp or pointy like a garden tool during the attack, then you the victim could expect to be immediately arrested for attempted murder and held for questioning until a magistrate might grant bail.
Try and relax with those you love and can trust, sleep as best you can, and don't forget to strap the Sig back on in the morning.
Best wishes,
Bryn
and love from Diane.
So glad you're OK. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAngel sometimes we do let our guard down don't beat yourself up about that. I'm so glad your safe and that's all that matters.. "Hugs"
ReplyDeleteGlad you didn't shoot him....sorta.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need the financial, emotional and legal repercussions.
But strangers attacking should be shot, and their heads mounted on poles at the end of the driveway.
And a grateful community should pay you back for the ammo spent.