I felt “normal” today for the first time in a long time and it scared me and made me sad.
Sarah’s gone and she’s never coming back and that should never feel normal.
Talking about how you feel helps with the coping. When I lost my wife, I talked about her and it truely helped. They continue to live in our hearts. What you are finding is the new normal you.
'normal' is so subjective that I very much dislike the term for how someone feels...
I ran across this after my mom died and considered sending it to my dad - and never did. How do you comment on the grief someone else feels?
When I found this it seemed like a description that would be so relative to how everyone feels at some point I saved it.
I'm old, so I'll grab the portion that grabbed me, and link to the entire post at the end.
For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy.
They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing.
But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side.
Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
You've already crested the worst waves kid, and helped a lot of others do the same...you'll come out...
It is your heart and mind coming to the realization that her absence, though felt IS normal Angel. All of us lose someone who is dear and close to us eventually - its Life. Life is finding someone / something which is valued and then they / it is gone. Change is constant and both good and bad WILL happen.
Don't feel guilty over this, I'm sure she would wants you to go on and be happy. Before you know it, you will meet again and she will show you all the cool stuff !
Hugs, Sweetie...As time goes on, there will be more 'normal' days. Relax into them, cause you need the RnR so you have the strength for the tough ones.
No. You are allowed to feel normal. Do not guilt trip yourself. I took me years to feel normal after my sister died in 1996. Take that breath of fresh air and run with it.
Angel,
ReplyDeleteTalking about how you feel helps with the coping. When I lost my wife, I talked about her and it truely helped. They continue to live in our hearts. What you are finding is the new normal you.
Michael in Nelson
'normal' is so subjective that I very much dislike the term for how someone feels...
ReplyDeleteI ran across this after my mom died and considered sending it to my dad - and never did. How do you comment on the grief someone else feels?
When I found this it seemed like a description that would be so relative to how everyone feels at some point I saved it.
I'm old, so I'll grab the portion that grabbed me, and link to the entire post at the end.
For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy.
They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing.
But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side.
Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
You've already crested the worst waves kid, and helped a lot of others do the same...you'll come out...
--jim
https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/c1u0rx2/
It is your heart and mind coming to the realization that her absence, though felt IS normal Angel. All of us lose someone who is dear and close to us eventually - its Life. Life is finding someone / something which is valued and then they / it is gone. Change is constant and both good and bad WILL happen.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel guilty over this, I'm sure she would wants you to go on and be happy. Before you know it, you will meet again and she will show you all the cool stuff !
God Bless You and your Family.
Dear Angel,
ReplyDeleteI came across something by Edgar Guest that helped my cousin and hereby pass it along to you,
A Child Of Mine (To All Parents)
Edgar Guest
I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful girl with us
ONE DAY AT A TIME IS ALL WE SHOULD BE DEALING WITH. WE CAN'T GO BACK TO YESTERDAY AND WE CAN'T CONTROL TOMORROW SO LIVE FOR TODAY.
ReplyDeleteKELLY'S TREEHOUSE
Just read that and thought it was appropriate.
God Bless You, Angel.
ReplyDeleteYou're only feeling what is normal now. Don't worry about it. and anyway Sarah is always close by in your heart.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Sweetie...As time goes on, there will be more 'normal' days. Relax into them, cause you need the RnR so you have the strength for the tough ones.
ReplyDeleteWhat everybody else said, because they all put it so much better than I ever could.
ReplyDeleteWhat a pretty girl Angel. Normal is only setting on a dryer. God has to be smiling down on ya cause Sarah is up there cracking Him up...
ReplyDeleteNo. You are allowed to feel normal. Do not guilt trip yourself. I took me years to feel normal after my sister died in 1996. Take that breath of fresh air and run with it.
ReplyDeleteBayouwulf