I....I...no. Just no.

Meanwhile, Spring Break at The Villages in Florida

I had this problem last night

Trying to remember "Ride of the Valkeries",

I had Wagner and "da-da-da-dah-dah. Da-da-da-dah-dah.

DA-DA-DA-DAH-DAH....."

Sorry, no results found for that.

Well, I'm just fried

This is a graphic, yet accurate,

visual representation of my synapses.

It would be a toss-up

Between the Benny Hill theme song

and Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries.

Yeah, Mondays are hell

Name the movie.

Sometimes I'm Rabbit, mostly I'm Pooh

My biggest challenge

I don't trust people in general. And people who say they love me in particular. I've been betrayed and abandoned by friends and lovers. I've had men vow to love and protect me, and then turn around and cheat on me, break my heart, and leave. I've had close friends share my secrets, move in on men, or just generally leave me hanging when I needed a friend the most.

This could have made me a bitter, angry, closed-off bitch. Heartless and cruel. But that's just not me. I will be the first to answer a cry for help, lend a shoulder to cry on, bury bodies if called for.For some reason, I'm incapable of turning off my heart. So I give my love freely and joyfully, but I wall off my heart to any kind of love in return. What betrayal has done is make me very cautious. I have stopped expecting reciprocity, and I'm very averse to showing weakness or asking for help. My feeling is if you don't ask, don't expect, you can't be disappointed. If you don't count on someone's loyalty, you can't be betrayed. My love doors swing outward, but not inward.

I don't know how many friends, lovers, admirers, family I've lost by pushing them away. And I really wish I was different. "I love you" is one of the easiest things for me to feel and express, and the absolute hardest thing for me to accept and trust from another. It makes for a very lonely heart. Especially at 3 in the morning.

Starting my new diet tomorrow

Gaelic wisdom

I wasted 6 years in college

and I could have been training for THIS.

Bring it on, cupcakes

Clarification

Hi! I'm Hiswiserangel. Or just Angel.

I'm a Native Texan and still live here. 

I am married, but NOT to Wirecutter.

Wirecutter is married, but not to me.

His lovely bride is Miss Lisa.

We've actually never met in person,

but I'm hoping to someday fix that.

So, to recap,

Wirecutter and Angel are not married.

Back to your regularly scheduled insanity.

The time is coming

Spiderman in Kansas

I can't stop laughing at this.

Been there, done that

I have actually cut the corner off 

and sucked the last few drops out of the bag.

SoCal totem pole

And personal hygiene....

Bill Clinton's new office building

Three faces

I used to do this

The fun part was watching students realize it was a pattern, 

erase answers, question answers, fill in answers, 

realize it's the same pattern and no other answers make sense, 

agonize, argue and finally submit. 

Proof spiders are assholes

I have a full set

No good deed goes unpunished

Wirecutter, the early years

I don't remember buying a ticket

50 Shades of Pussy

Y'all have dirty, dirty minds. 

So, I need to get high?

Or he's high?

He tripped. A lot.

Bad ass, soft lips

http://www.inkedshop.com/skull-lip-balm-blk.html

By any other name

It's still a sex swing.

Holy fuck!

Put the sewin' down, woman, and make me a sammich

I'll admit it, I'm a whiz in the kitchen (thanks Mom) and know my way around general carpentry and a combustion engine (thanks Poppy), but I never learned how to sew.

Only time a Stormtrooper landed a hit

Minnie Pearl would approve

So, this is how y'all found me?

I've always been the "weirdo", the odd duck, the Gonzo. 

Yeah, out of ALL the Muppets, I relate to Gonzo. 

But I have a secret crush on Sam the Eagle. 

He's so authoritative and disapproving. 

Anyway,letting my freak flag fly.

https://youtu.be/ryEjm3k6uY0

Double down

If I'm ever MIA, look here

My brain at 3 a.m.

I'll be in my secret evil genius lair

I can't tell you how much I want this.

Happy Friday, y'all!

It honestly takes very little to amuse me. 

https://youtu.be/1dKO-GneYj8

Because, BALLS

~stolen from Scott Norris' Facebook page,

entirely without remorse.

I feel "safer" already

Sweetie, recessive genes don't work that way

I have found my calling

I'm the otter one

Brilliant, sickening, but brilliant

Oh no! Moochzilla! Run Emperor Akihito!

I'm sorry, but isn't 6 years into being First Wookie 

long enough to have eliminated these awkward little "whoopsies"? Get your shit together, Michael, you're embarrassing us. Again.

And for the love of God and all that's Holy, 

stop mauling Queens and other First Ladies. 

You're going to crush someone and cause an International Incident.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3002178/Michelle-Obama-towers-Japanese-Emperor-Akihito-smiles-awkwardly.html?ito=social-facebook