Friday, May 18, 2018

Happy Heavenly 23rd birthday, Sweet Sarah

This has been that first hard week. Mother's Day and Sarah's birthday back-to-back has literally taken me to my knees a couple of times. My sweet girl would have been 23 today. It's still so hard for me to grasp, that she's gone and I'll never see her again, get big-arm hugs, sniff her curls and give her warm fuzzies, take her to dances, watch her dance with pure joy and abandon. I'll forget she's not here anymore and think, "I need to pick up some whatever for Sarah," "Sarah needs to see this," "That dress would look great on Sarah." I bought her Jello snacks to eat while she was sick, about the only thing she was interested in, and they're still in the fridge. No one wants to touch them, they're hers. Her bedroom is set up, and she'll never use it. The pool is getting fixed next week, we had planned a pool party for her birthday. She'll never swim in it. So many things we planned to do, we'll never get to do them; but mostly I miss her hugs.



I'm going to try to post some Sarah memories, happy stories, to remind me what a blessing she was.

When she was little, probably about 4-5, we'd go as a family to Furr's cafeteria for a special treat. Since I left teaching to be a stay-at-home mom with her and Jaylee, we were broker than the 10 Commandments, and eating out was a special treat. Sarah was never the most patient person, and standing in line was something she barely tolerated. Furr's was torture for her. Shuffle, stop, shuffle, stop, shuffle, stop. One occasion, after about the fifth shuffle-stop, Sarah decided to get the line moving by poking the guy in front of her. In the butt. Big guy. So she poked and he spun around to see who goosed him. Of course, Sarah, being 5 and short, was under the radar; I, however, was eye level. He spun and we locked eyes, him shocked and me mortified. As I stammered my apology, explaining the true culprit was an adorable little girl, my spouse, being ever so helpful, exclaimed, "Oh my God! I can't believe you're blaming our daughter!" I think they set me up. After that, whenever we went to Furr's, Sarah was sandwiched between us.

She was also quite the vagabond. She was born with wanderlust, and it got her in trouble several times. She always wanted to know what was over the hill, around the corner, beyond. It shouldn't surprise me that she slipped away from us to go explore Heaven. She was also Houdini. There wasn't a lock she couldn't master; our doors always had extra locks at the top which helped until she was big enough to drag a chair over. Sarah had come home in the back of patrol cars more before the age of 10 than most criminals do in a lifetime. It got to the point that I'd write down descriptions of her clothes each morning just in case I needed to describe her to an officer. But as nerve-wracking as it was, it was also one of the things I admired about her. She was fearless, curious, adventurous. And she loved to try new things. And I was usually there with her, trying to keep her safe, but at the same time letting her soar.

This last adventure, I didn't get to be there with her, couldn't keep her safe, but man, did she soar.


27 comments:

Terry said...

God Bless

wirecutter said...

Smiles and tears and more smiles while I was reading this.
Your beautiful daughter was blessed with a wonderful family and I know she's looking down on you right now with Love in her heart.
Happy Birthday, Sarah.

Boilerdoc said...

Happy birthday Sarah.

Jason said...

Dear Jesus, please draw Sarah close to you and give her joy. Please bring peace to her family and friends. I ask this in your name. Amen.

B said...

AM thinking of you and your family.

rick c said...

The smiles and hugs are still there Angel. Happy Birthday Sarah.

Anonymous said...

You and Sarah are both like angels, Angel. You WILL see her again.

ahe3 said...

Happy Birthday Sarah! Prayers to all!

pigpen51 said...

Angel,

Fear not. I guarantee that on this last journey that Sarah took, that you could not hold her hand, One just as loving as you was holding her hand, and will never let go, until the day arrives when you can feel one of her hugs again. I truly believe that in my heart, based upon the promise of His word. What a wonderful day that will be for both of you, and it will come soon enough. You are often in our thoughts, and prayers, and Sarah has never been forgotten.

Michael Bezyack said...

Happy Birthday, Sarah!

James said...

Happy Birthday Sarah

Anonymous said...

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss ma'am, and I hope writing these memories of your life also help you deal with your loss. Prayers for you, as well as family and friends of her.

When its your turn to cross the Great Divide, I'm sure she will be there, saying 'I have SO much to show you !!'

Andrew said...

Sarah was practicing trailblazing. Now she's prepared the trail for all who loved her.

Damnit. Now I'm crying.

You are truly a good and Godly woman.

J Bogan said...

Happy Birthday Sarah. God bless you Angel. You are both in my prayers today, and everyday. You WILL see her again, count on it.

Anonymous said...

My dear sweet little sister; not a day passes that you and yours - and always your Sarah - are not in my prayers. My heart breaks for you, but be comforted in the sure knowledge that she waits for you in Heaven. God has promised,and He is faithful. God bless you always, and should you ever need to have someone old and grumpy to talk with,
I'm here for you - Grandpa

Lofty said...

Happy memories to you, and happy birthday Sarah.
Sarah is missed and most certainly not forgotten.

Steve Wright said...

Thank you Angel. You always write from the heart. It moves others souls. Your describe one of my daughters as well. She is the sweetest most exasperating things on the planet. She dances in church, but sings loud while the other kids are silent. She prays out loud and asks for prayer for others. She will run out a door, or over or through any thing in her way. Not out of meanness, she just can't not follow her minds curiosity. Oh how I love her. My heart goes out to you. May you always keep the good in your mind.

Anonymous said...

Writing can help you remember someone special.

Exile1981

DoubleTroubleTwo said...

Happy Birthday Sarah! I know you and the boys are dancing and having a great time. Prayers Angel big hugs chickie ❤

Betty Robertson said...

A beautiful day for a birthday ... YOU should have had one of the jellos in celebration of Sarah ! Can't wait till our next get together=== Love and Hugs for you always ..

Grog said...

Happy Birthday, Sarah.

Anonymous said...

Angel- Thanks for sharing this wonderful and thoughtful post.
Best wishes to you and yours.

=TW=

tmckelve1 said...

Angle,
Remember the good times and the bad and cherish them, And you will see her again because all these years reading your blog. I know she loved you and will be waiting with open arms just inside of of the gates of heaven waiting for her mom so she can give you bug hug.

Menotu said...

Thank you so much for posting. I was wondering how you were doing and praying for peace and comfort in your life. I look forward to hearing more about Sarah.
You’ve really helped me and been an inspiration for me with my step-son (Downs).
We take him to Night to Shine and enjoy seeing him light up for his night-on-the-town.
God bless.

Anonymous said...

This is a trip we all have to take. I just had two liters of fluid removed from around my right lung last Wen. with a collapsed right lung to re-inflate. It is already refilling. That is because they found a baseball size "mass" in the other lung. IF I don't have any Metz. and they can treat me, my life will be measured in months. If not it will end within weeks. Ether way my life will end before thanksgiving. I'm fading faster than the Doc's can order testing. At this point it is all about Opioid and Tranc's. Like everything else in my life this is gonna hurt. Than G_D that you had her. Thank G_D she went without pain. It is a wound that will never fully close. But that shouldn't stop you from putting your armor back on, to continue the fight. Sayonara Angel---Ray

Anonymous said...

Angel I cannot fathom the loss or heartache you feel. I stopped by after a long hiatus to read this horrible news. God rest her soul and bring peace and comfort to you and yours.





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