The last couple of months have left me exhausted. Mentally, physically and emotionally. I've felt everyone and everything I love slipping away, by age or illness or by choice. I've felt my country, my beloved Republic, taking her last agonal breaths before slipping into the grave. And rather than pull up my big girl panties and deal with the pain and grief of loss, the agony of change, the responsibility of the fight, I've let myself slide into an "inner fog" hoping the premise holds that if I don't think about it, it will cease to exist. The belief that if I refuse to say goodbye, the people leaving my life will have to stay. Hoping that if I refuse to change my daily routine, then my life CAN'T change without my permission.
Now, I've been accused of being somewhat intelligent, moderately educated, and implacably sensible. All of which is utter bullshit. But in keeping with that image, I can't honestly believe that closing my eyes will make all the problems disappear. This isn't a game of peek-a-boo and I'm not a gullible toddler. So I have to accept certain things. Yes, my Poppy's health is sliding quicker than we'd hoped. Yes, people I hold in my heart as forever friends are slipping away from me. Yes, the Republic is dying and may be beyond resuscitation. Yes, I get it.
So what the fuck am I going to do about it? Sigh. I don't know. I wish I did, but I don't. I'm not the rock my family thinks I am. I'm not the happy carefree woman my friends think I am. And I'm not the WarriorAngel I like to pretend to be. Seriously, you should see some of my warrior garb, it's awesome! What I am is tired and scared and sad and sometimes a little hopeless. Sometimes, late at night, when the chicks are asleep and the house is quiet and my demons are loud, I cry. A lot. And sometimes, when I can't think or cry anymore, I pray. And then I get up and get dressed and get ready. Because life doesn't stop.
It's Spring(ish), y'all! My planting beds are turned, manured, and ready to rock some Jebadiah Fisher garden seed. Let me tell you, if you're looking for non-GMO heirloom seeds, looking to control your family's food supply (because God knows, if you don't, Monsanto will), you can NOT go wrong with Jebadiah Fisher seeds. Good grief, the suckers flat out produce. To the point that you'll look at your garden in September thinking, "Please, for the love of God, just STOP already!"
And now, they're offering smaller packages and custom packages. You get to pick now what you'll be picking later. So, NOW is the time to send in your seed orders; in a couple of weeks, you'll need them in the ground. There's a big colorful veggie basket in my sidebar that you can click and be magically whisked to the land of Jebadiah Fisher Garden Seed. Or, if you're too lazy, CLICK HERE.
Okay, funny, yes. But sadly true. Also a good reason to take a good self-defense CQB class like the one Kerodin teaches. Because, you aren't going to get very far doing The Flutter move as taught by a tiny lesbian at the local women's center.