Friday, May 1, 2015

I AM a badass in mom jeans

I woke up to a commenthat kind of hurt. "Sorry, but  no one has ever looked badass in mom jeans." You know what, trapper? In the history of gross underestimation, that's close to the top of the list. Regardless of whether a woman is wearing low rise, mid rise, leather, or yoga pants (I just visualized the obscene flashing resulting from hooking a large caliber handgun onto a pair of yoga pants), if she has made the choice to arm herself and accept responsibility for being the first line of defense for herself and her kids (if she has kids), then you'd better believe she's a badass.

I'm a 48-year-old woman, mom of two, and I have the body that goes with it. I've had two emergency c-sections, given birth to 20 pounds of human being. I have stretch marks and surgical scars and will never look good in a bikini or tummy baring anything. I am 200 pounds of solid, working mom muscle wrapped in a soft, squishy layer of momminess. And you can probably account for 25-30 pounds in massive brains and bodacious boobs. Butrust me, no one wants to see me squeeze into a pair of low-rise jeans. I could, I see women of my age and body type desperately trying to cling to youth, but I choose to dress for comfort, functionality and modesty. Mid-rise mom jeans, c-section scars and muffintop covered and secured

I choose to carry a weapon. And now I've chosen to carry a motherfucking 1911 .45. 
And I will drop anyone who threatens me or my cute chicks. 

So I would say that alone makes me a badass in mom jeans.


Wind River Ranger said...

Carrying a 1911 (in .45 acp of course) makes anyone look badass regardless of dress.

canbeus said...

Hell yea, you go Girl!

JRebel said...

Hell, the Celts managed to be badasses wearing nothing at all. Besides that, mom jeans are a better tactical choice than yoga pants.

Anonymous said...

Goddamn right it does!

genericviews said...

"And I will drop anyone who threatens me or my cute chicks."

And that's how that word "pre-meditation" comes up in court.

hiswiserangel said...

that's not premeditation, it's a fair warning.

Anonymous said...

Although a 1911 is sort of difficult to carry concealed, if you do have to drop a miscreant, you probably only need to hit them once!


Ian Restil said...

Bad ass, like blonde, isn't a look, it's a state of mind.

Anonymous said...

Trapper is an ass, plain and simple. I've never in my life worn low rise pants because God gave me curves, and I learned really quickly that unless you are fairly curve less, low rise don't emphasize the correct things. Quite frankly, most women could do with a higher waistband. It'd hold in the muffin top, and look better.

Angel is a mama, plain, simple, and proud of it. She's earned her mama bear badge proudly, and that alone makes her a badass, adding the sweet gun and holster are just icing.

(Just another mama bear.)

Darrell McNew said...


Angel eyes said...

Your first confirmed kill, so to speak. Without even firing a shot. Good show!

Anonymous said...

You got pic of that ass in jeans?

drjim said...

Go, Angel!

Anonymous said...

Seek counseling. Your last 3 months of posting are trending to the psychotic. When I saw that you were getting a new gun all I saw was red flags...

Ian Restil said...

"When I saw that you were getting a new gun all I saw was red flags..."

Many of us thought the same thing, although most of us used "were" instead of "was". The red flags are, of course, the wind direction/speed indicators that ranges have, and, of course, new weapon = range trip!

J Bogan said...

Hey Anon, Your input is important just why exactly? Since you decided to share a diagnosis, maybe you ought to have the balls to sign your name to it. You know, speaking of psychosis an all...

wirecutter said...

Anon@4:18 - Fuck off. Go talk shit at your local liberal coffee shop instead of here. Nobody really gives a fuck what you think anyway.
Besides, you're worried about the gun she got, what about the ones she already had?
-Kenny Lane
Ceres, CA

Yeah, I'm not a fucking coward. I don't do anonymous comments.

wirecutter said...

Okay, low rise jeans look fucking stupid. Give me a woman in 501s or a pair of Wranglers any day.

Trapper, you really should think before you speak (or type).

Chris from Canada said...

Angel, Angel, Angel - Badass in mom jeans, of course you are. Just like the badass mom in Baltimore wailing on her punkass son for being in the wrong.

Anyone who says you can't be whoever you say you are needs to rethink.

BTW, Love the holster and would have loved to see after 2 steps.

Wraith said...

Mom jeans, low rise, mid rise...they all look the same in a pile at the foot of the bed.

Skip said...

Honey, you were badass long before the .45.

Martin K. from Germany said...

Very well said! Congratulations on the new gun: have fun, enjoy life and ignore the nasties. Wishing you all the best! Martin

RabidAlien said...

Awesome. And yes....badass is a state of mind, not of dress.

DoninSacto said...

Sorry about the long rant about "Bad Ass". I have a friend and his name is Angel. He is about 5'6" and maybe 135 lbs. I was talking to him across the counter of the HD shop I worked at when 2 dudes walked in. Big guy was maybe 6'2" and about 220 lbs. Big dude "Bad Ass" bumps into Angel, Angel looks at him and moves away. Big dude bumps him again. Angel says
"once is for free, the second one you need to pay for. Out back in 5 minutes." and he goes out back to wait. Big dude laughs and says this will be fun. Little dude grins and starts out back. I ask if I should call an ambulance, Big dude laughs and says "Hell ya." I say, "oh, not for Angel, for you. Angle is a Hells Angel and he might get his ass whupped, but you are a dead man, and so is shorty. Hey, Bad Ass, where are you going?" Attitude is what makes a warrior, not size or dress.

Anonymous said...

Whoa. Someone has some serious self-esteem issues. What happened to that smokin' hot babe who was accosted at the grocery store by the teen aged cutie? Was your mommy squishy-ness all evident in its glory on that wonderful day?

Poor trapper. He's getting a bad wrap. Mom jeans are never bad ass. Just ask the president. Having said that, you get all in peoples' shit about being liberal, but you all get your panties in a wad over a comment "Mom jeans are never badass."

And wirecutter, I'll take you seriously when you stop posting your "good morning girl" pictures and start posting some pics of bad ass squishy moms wearing bad ass mom jeans.

I'm a 53 year old mother of two lovely daughters. They would kick my ass if they caught me in a pair of mom jeans and so would my man.

Gun Totin' Mama

hiswiserangel said...

You took a wrong ass turn somewhere.
I'm talking badassery, ability to defend oneself and protect loved ones, you're talking sexiness. And while they aren't mutually exclusive, they also aren't necessarily the same thing.

You can be a badass in mom jeans or low-rise, you can be a helpless pussy in mom jeans or low-rise.

As for my self-confidence and "sexiness", it has absolutely nothing to do with my choice of attire and everything to do with what's between my ears and in my heart. I own my body, every inch and ounce, and am comfortable with it enough to dress flatteringly and avoid garments that aren't flattering. I'm also confident enough to choose my own clothes and not let a man dictate what I wear.

As for wirecutter, well, if you knew the man, you'd know how ridiculous you just sounded.


J Bogan said...

Moms can be bad ass in Mom jeans, or something far more flattering, or in fact nothing at all. Badass is entirely a state of mind.

Hence why the spot filler in the White Hut is not badass in his mom jeans.

And good luck kicking Angels ass for her choice of attire....I am betting she is a bit tougher than you might think.

Anonymous said...

Hold it just one second. Who got their wittle feewings hurt over a statement "mom jeans are never bad ass"? You did, Angel. Why? I'll tell you why. Trapper hurt your feelings because you felt it was a dig toward you and your sexy self.

I'll repeat, mom jeans are never bad ass. That's like saying a sweatshirt with a bird house on it is bad ass or a pair of white plastic velcro shoes are bad ass. The person in those items of clothing may be as bad ass as they come, but let's face it, they don't even whisper "I'm a bad ass."

Besides, a true bad ass doesn't have to talk about how bad ass they are. They already know it and don't need anyone's validation or approval.

Gun Totin' Mama

hiswiserangel said...

Bless your heart, you're still missing the point. But that's okay, you can run around in your low-rise skinny jeans and I'll run in my mid-rise mom jeans, and we'll peacefully co-exist. You're the last person in the world I need to validate me, and I'm certain you feel the same about me.

My mom, God love her, is 78, would wear a bedazzled birdhouse sweatshirt and Crocs, and is one of the strongest most badass woman I know. Clothes don't make a badass.

Able said...

Hmm, someone (that'll be GTM) seems to have lived a sheltered and unaware (or is it just clueless?) life.

If someone is badass (a state of mind as the many sensible ones here have pointed out) they very rarely 'look' badass. You know the small, slightly built guy who works as a doorman at a nightclub? He, not the 6'4”, 245 lb guys next to him, will be the real deal.

I've spent close to three decades in HM forces (22+ mobilised reserve) most with some of the baddest badasses we have, and every single one of them is as nondescript, average non-badass looking as it's possible to get (hint: how do you recognise SF? If they look like REMF clerks and don't walk around pretending to be hard – then you know they are).

If you have to dress (or not dress, or act/not act) a certain way to appear a badass .. then you aren't a badass, period. A badass in a tutu (or mom-jeans) is still a badass, and I'll still call him/her Sir/Ma'am.

It seems like someone has drunk the Hollywood koolaid, you know the one where the bad guy is always dressed in black leather, usually the (token) bald guy, (unfairly since we're not 'all' that bad) have an English accent and (a dead give-away) the only smoker. The hero will of course be steroid induced muscular and have starvation level body-fat with the obligatory stubble or a stick-thin anorexic woman dressed in haute couture who can (of course) throw men three times her size around like confetti.

Real people tend to be slightly more varied.

P.S. I may, according to my service record, be classed as 'brave' (ie. Too stupid to be somewhere else) but even I'm not going to get on HWG's bad side … I’m not 'That' stupid.

AbbyS said...

Sweet merciful Jesus!! What is wrong with people?? Women who allow their kids & spouses tell them what to wear have NO right to tell women who dress for comfort & convenience what is or is not badass!!! Trapper is just an ass & Gun Totin' Mom needs to rethink her mom-ness! Seriously. Badassedness is NOT what one wears, it is wholly a state of mind and ability.

I think Wraith has it right"Mom jeans, low rise, mid rise...they all look the same in a pile at the foot of the bed."

Angel, petty assholes aren't worth bothering yourself over. After all, this is YOUR playground!

Rock them mom jeans! and that new rig :)


wirecutter said...

Able, you're absolutely right. And it was a scrawny British squaddie that taught me never to go into a bar and fuck with somebody I don't know.
Turns out he was a Para - he probably did more physical training that morning than I did all week.

wirecutter said...

GTM, you got the "Bless your heart" statement. You might want to quit while you're ahead.

Anonymous said...

Your writing skills are admirable. Your reading and comprehension skills could use a little work.

Bless your heart.

Have a great Sunday.