I see it more than I'd like to these days. Even here in Texas. People who mistakenly identify common courtesy as condescension. When someone opens a door for me, I take it as an act of kindness and humanity. Especially if I'm carrying something, guiding the Cute Chicks, or coming up behind them. I always try to make eye contact, smile and say thank you. Now here's the twisted part. Some guys have become so used to acts of chivalry being bitchily rebuffed that they mistake a return of courtesy as flirting. Not so. I'm simply thanking your for opening the door, not inviting you hit on me in the elevator. Especially in front of the Chicks. But as aggravating as this is, it's a reflection on who THEY choose to be and not who I choose to be. And it won't change how I behave.
Be a gentleman no matter what. If that's what YOU want to be, if that's who YOU see when you look in the mirror, then own it like a motherfucker. You hold doors open, and if they bitch at you, smile and wish them a lovely day. Really piss 'em off. It's their problem, not yours. Continue to address men and women politely; if you were taught to call people sir and ma'am and that's what feels natural to you, then by all means continue. Treat every woman as a gentleman should, even if she doesn't respect herself enough to act like a lady. Her bad behavior should not influence you to abandon your own mores. So many women have the mistaken belief that being a lady is being weak; many have been treated poorly, treated like sluts and whores by men in their past and have come to believe this about themselves; many were never taught to be a lady. Maybe, just maybe, if they encounter enough men who are strong and confident enough to be gentlemen no matter what, they'll come around. They'll learn to appreciate being treated properly. Maybe not. But at least you'll know that you were true to your nature.
So Gentlemen of the World, hear this: there are women out there who do appreciate having doors opened, chairs held, a strong guiding hand at their waist, and they thank you. Keep on keeping on, you never know when your paths will finally cross.
And to the bitches who try to ruin it for everyone else: it's not about your damn ovaries, it's about courtesy. Get over yourselves.
Angel rant over.
14 comments:
When I was young, back in the early 70's, I remember going shopping with my Grandpa. He was an old school gentleman, but a rough county boy. We were walking into a grocery store when he spotted a couple young ladies walking towards the door.
Grandpa was older but he wasn't dead. He took off his hat with his left hand and held the door open with his right.
Until he heard their language. He pointedly put his hat on, pushed me inside and let the door close behind him.
I raised my son to respect the fairer sex and the less able. But prove yourself classless and courtesy goes away.
Roger
Then my use of questionable language makes me less deserving of common courtesy? I respect your right to withhold courtesy based on your standards. I will continue to treat everyone with common courtesy, especially those who are most resistant to it. I'm ornery that way.
A man does what a man feels needs to be done.If it offends somebody that's their problem not mine I will walk away feelings unhurt because I do it for me not them.
I have proof that if you meet courtesy with courtesy, then you get it extended much more often. When I was in grad school, there were a bunch of rancid, militant feminists in my department. A few guys, and not all of them were feminists.
One fine, spring day, I was headed back from class to my office. I didn't have anything to carry, and was just enjoying the walk. I saw one of the more rancid militants in front of me, juggling a double arm load of papers, books, and bags. So, I slowed down. Didn't want to come up behind this woman close enough she'd notice me and want to talk to me.
A couple of my male classmates were standing outside of the main English department doors, smoking, when this colleague came up to them. They watched as she struggled to hold onto everything AND get the double doors (like an airlock).
I made it up close enough to chat with them, and both dropped their cigs, and jumped to open both the outer and inner doors for me. Mind you, I had nothing in my hands. Didn't need the help. I smiled and thanked them anyway...and almost stepped on the colleague who'd been ahead of me. As it turns out, she'd dropped everything.
This woman was one of the ones that told everybody that opening doors was sexist and degrading, because it directly stated that she couldn't do it herself.
And she looks up at me, feelings hurt, and asks, "Why didn't they do that for me?"
She was a colleague, yes, but a tenured prof, not a GTA. So, I shrugged, assured her that I didn't know why that would have happened, and went on.
Gents still exist. And a gentleman does get tired of shrews screaming at him. Some quit opening doors for the shrewish types, and others find it funny enough that they'll go out of their way to do it anyway.
But courtesy really does beget courtesy.
I wish our culture hadn't forgotten that.
Courtesy is being respectful of those in the environment around you. The moral of the story was rough language was used around a young child.
I use language that is not acceptable outside of biker bars or a marine barracks. But I do not use it around women, children or men of a delicate nature.
I guarantee if we met with no one to overhear, there is nothing you could say that would shock or offend me.
Someone who decides their freedom of expression overrides the freedom of others to their pursuit of happiness has opted to remove courtesy from the equation. I am not referring to protest, but language used for the sake of attention. Respect and courtesy is a two way street in my book.
If someone chooses to function outside of polite society so be it. That is their right. I reserve the right to turn my back to it. I refuse to accept it as normal.
I'm ornery that way.
Roger
Hear, Hear, Angel dear. Thanks for this. I was taught by my Father to be a gentleman. He was a WWII vet, a rancher, a great Dad and great Husband. He taught me how to rope and ride, shoot, and open doors. Everything I learned from him I teach to my Son. He has held doors and given up seats since he was a wee tot, and looks out for his Momma and his Sisters too. We never water ourselves down, no matter what. I have held open doors for babes and hags and everything in between, and will continue to do so. Hopefully, someday I can hold open a door for you, Angel. I promise I won't flirt with you, but I will return your smile with appropriate wattage.
I am a scoundrel and a capitalist.
I'll deal in courtesy. I'll hold doors because it's fun, and because it's a game, and because I want other people to think well of me. Being polite to customer service representatives can get you far, and they deserve a break from the ordinary people they deal with all the time.
I also have no qualms about dropping that courtesy the moment I don't expect it to be repaid. I have walked away from people begging me to change my mind. I will fight dirty if I get in a fight.
I know a thing or two about how women work. After being burned a few times, I decided I wanted revenge.
I believe I've said before, if I wanted to ruin someone's life, I'd send women after him. I'm not shy about advertising exactly why I have no qualms about objectifying women, and who drove me to it.
Ladies, they're the ones who ruined it for you. Get them.
Held a door for a woman a few years ago and got snapped at. She told me "just because I am a woman doesnt mean I cant open a door." I said "I didnt open it because you were a woman, it was because of your age." Made me feel a little better.
Heh, Tom Smith for the win. :-)
Thank you, loved the post.
You know, sometimes you post things that make me wonder if you're not as crazy as you put on. As a young, impressionable teen/twentysomething I did the whole cultural whiplash and tried to figure out the feminism ect. thing because I was a decent human being and polite. I didn't want to offend anyone. Upon figuring out it was a crock of shit a having my Give-A-Fuck meter permanently pegged to 0 (life and liberalism does that), I now have returned to the days of paternalistic sexism. Law school was fun that way, 90% of the women there had something to prove. Little Hillary's out to conquer the world, offended one door at a time. I considered it my obligation to give them a little taste of TX in hopes that they would stay far away from my home state. Talk about courteous...you have no idea how many feminazi's I probably kept from the Promised Land. Not saying I would hit on someone who thanked me for opening a door, but I would wait until they walked through that door to make the assessment... ;)
raving, I swear to God and all that's Holy, you are such a freaking lawyer. I can't tell, but did you call me crazy or not? I assure you, I am absolutely nuts, but the good kind. The Southern kind of nuts.
A good friend of mine always tells me to walk like I'm walking away from a group of men checking me out. Kind of hard to do in sneakers, but I give it my best.
i like it when a woman opens a door for me
what scares the hell out of me is when the really old or extremely large try to get me to take them home -- the old ones can't hold on and the large ones overload the motorcycle;-);-)
livin to ride
actually i do hold doors open doors help with bags when i can
and don't expect anything in return
it's just the way i am
surprises the hell out of the ladies sometimes too
Agree with all of it and adding that I too hate it when a simple smile and thank you makes men think that you are begging them to ask you out. No, simple courtesy.
Also, here, I've learned never to use Sir or Ma'am. I've guessed wrong too many times.
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