Thursday, December 18, 2014

Stop, just stop it already.

I was in TJMaxx buying undies, and was assaulted by a registered support dog in a bona fide orange vest. I was on one side of the racks looking at bras, and its human was on the other side perusing thongs. It had wandered underneath to the extent of it's pink leather leash and was chewing on my utterly filthy shoe strings. I pulled away, butt sticking out as I leaned forward to continue shopping, feet safely out of reach; then the little shit started growling at me. The following exchange occurred:

"Ma'am, can you please control your dog?"
"She is a licensed emotional support dog, she has every right to be in here."
"Yes, but Princess Shitball doesn't have a right to attack people and shit in the floor."
"Buttons! Stop this instant!"
~Buttons ignores her tiny steaming pile of political promises and starts chewing on a purple thong.~
"She's obviously highly trained. What does she do? Annoy the fuck out of people and give you a break?"
"You're infringing on my rights! I NEED Buttons for emotional support! Where is the manager?"
"Look, I'm sorry you're so emotionally unstable that you can't leave the house without your status symbol, but you really need to have better control. That's all I'm saying."

By this time, Buttons had wrecked a $20 thong, shit on the floor and was looking for more trouble. The manager showed up, listened to a tearful tale of woe and oppression, and issued an order.

"Ma'am, you have two options: pick up your dog's shit and leave, or pick up your dog's shit and keep your animal in your bag while you're in the store. That first part isn't optional, and you need to pay for the damaged merchandise."
"But I don't have anything to pick it up and she'll chew on my new Louis Vuitton wallet!"
"Neither of those is my problem."

He walked away to applause and her vows never to shop there again. I believe I will.

So, just for reference:
NOT a real service dog.

Real service dog

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh wow. Seriously. I have no idea what a LV purse costs, but probably more than I'd ever spend on a purse. If you can't leave the house without an 'emotional support' dog, do your shopping online.

Wow.

-CM

hiswiserangel said...

Of course, there are legitimate service dogs for PTSD and social anxiety. I know a couple of people who have them, highly trained and very well behaved. I have no problem with service dogs as long as they're working and not lookies.

JPD said...

Okay, back up this train. You have a Louis Vuitton wallet.....and you are shopping at TJ Maxx?

J Bogan said...

Annnd an "Emotional Support Service Dog". That should explain everything.

Jesse in DC

Anonymous said...

Angel, I know, hence support dog being in quotes in this case. There are a lot of genres of legit service dogs. My cousins' daughter has a support dog because she has diabetes and it's super hard to keep it under control, her support dog alerts for them when she starts to crash or spike. It's wonderful they have their dog. The lady you met today just sounds like an entitled princess.

The real question the dudes are thinking but not asking.... Did ya find you some undies? ;)

-CM

Mr. Miracle said...

Spectacular! Very well done, Angel. Well handled. Now, if you could just complete your post by modeling what you purchased, I believe we would all have a VERY Merry Christmas!

Robert Fowler said...

Anonymous Anonymous said... Did ya find you some undies? ;)

Mr. Miracle said... Now, if you could just complete your post by modeling what you purchased, I believe we would all have a VERY Merry Christmas!

Here Here. ;)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you perverts out there.

No, I'm not politically correct, get over it :)

hiswiserangel said...

You dudes are serious masochists. You do NOT want to see middle-aged soccer mom T&A.

Keith Pearson said...

Wanna bet? It's MILFY Thursday.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you have any doubts? I honestly think you have a Fan Club. ;) If you have any doubts, here are a few reasons:

-They're male
-You're female
-They're male
-You like soo many of the same things as them
-They're male
-they like you, probably even love you
-You're a Ginger
-They're male
-You enjoy tasty food, especially that with bacon.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

-CM

hiswiserangel said...

Uh-huh, that may well be, but I'm still not flashing my undies, CM. :-)

Anonymous said...

Pay attention now. I only asked if you found some, I never asked if you found some. ;)

(And was giving you some of the rationale for the menfolks petition.)

-CM

(Who will now get back to seeing another Harry Potter cloak and hopefully stop cursing it since its been the project from Hell. Ran out of fabric, had to wait in line to get more cut. Christmas season @ fabric store, blech. Then cut the wrong center fold line so I'm having to fix the damn thing and how it's not too noticeable.)

Volfram said...

"You do NOT want to see middle-aged soccer mom T&A."
That's why I've never asked.

Wraith said...

You do NOT want to see middle-aged soccer mom T&A.

I'll be the judge of that!

hiswiserangel said...

Wraith, the only way you'll ever get anything to judge is through private email.

Anonymous said...

While in the checkout line at Wmart, a lady in front of me had a precious little Yorkie sitting on her jacket in the cart. I reached over and commented how precious the doggie was and she admonished me not to touch him because he was a service dog and mumbled some garbage that I didn't understand. Now, this woman didn't seem to have problems so maybe emotional issues? Guess I should be glad she didn't pull out a weapon and blast me!

Dave In Indiana said...

"she has every right to be in here."

Would have been a good time to remind her that her and her dogs rights end when they infringe on the rights of others.

Dave In Indiana said...

"Okay, back up this train. You have a Louis Vuitton wallet.....and you are shopping at TJ Maxx?"

It's really not surprising. Plenty of people will buy a pair o $300 sneakers but don't have a pot to piss in. Priorities.....