Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Art of Manliness: Door Kicking

There are a few deeply held secret fantasies in Angel's darkest corners. Some involve knives, some involve, well, nevermind. One thing that is almost universally admired by women (who are honest with themselves) is the manly skill of kicking down doors. I remember reading my grandmother's smutty romance novels when I'd stay with her during the summer; I preferred the period romances, you know 1800s. Men seemed manlier, women didn't pussify them. One I read when I was 14 has stayed with me for 34 years. The heroine was being a brat and locked herself in her bedroom, ignoring the commands of her new husband to open the door. Most men will only ask so many times. So our rakish hero rears back and plants his well-polished Hessian boot on the door, smashing it open. What followed was a scene of bodice ripping, dominant hellion-taming. Oh my, heady stuff for an innocent, geeky schoolgirl.  I still remember one passage clearly.

"You're an animal!"
"Darling, all men are animals when challenged. But there's no reason why the boot that kicks down the door can't be of quality leather and highly polished."

So, gentlemen, practice your door kicking skills. You never know when they'll come in handy.


12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Firefighters are trained specifically in doorkicking. That training is "Don't do it-ever".
Kicking in a door (or trying to) often results in serious injuries to the foot and ankle.
The correct way to breach a door is with an axe, sledgehammer, or Haiiligan Bar.

Bx said...

As a black belt who HAS kicked open doors in emergencies, I would only add this.

1) Whether you use a kick, or an axe, or any other method, take the time to learn and practice the proper techniques ahead of time.

2) You had better have a very good idea of what hazards are on the other side of that door (fires, violent people, little kids, pit bulls, etc) and be prepared to deal with those precautionary and safety issues, as well.

One of the first things I have ALWAYS said to new students in martial arts..."Forget everything you have seen in movies and on TV". That applies not only to self defense, but even kicking in doors (I have seen far too many laughable examples on TV).

hiswiserangel said...

I swear, you dudes sure know how to ruin a sexual fantasy.

show me one socialist success in world history said...

LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

To Hell with them ruining the fantasy. I need the name of that novel!!

-CM

(And do you like medieval manly men too?)

Angel eyes said...

Take Sho Shu. You will learn how to kick.
And more.

Volfram said...

Bx, you should probably add video games to that list.

stevierayv said...

I'll just use my shotgun work smart not hard

Critter said...

Having kicked open a few doors, I endorse this technique.

Critter said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tony Tsquared said...

It depends on the door and the types of locks that are on the handle side. A fiberglass or steel door that has about a foot of distance between the knob and deadbolt would be easier to breach on the hinge side. A wooden door with only a knob then the knob side should be easier. Use a ram or sledge hammer as stated above.

eatgrueldog said...

I developed mine early. Forget the door, I can take the entire frame out of the wall. The only problem that I would have is that my heroine is heavily armed.Sweet talking and maybe a slice of bacon under the door might be a better option...