Holiday Survival Guide for Autism

This is one of those posts that has been languishing in my "must finish" pile for a couple of weeks. As the mom of two kids on the Autism Spectrum, this is something I've dealt with for the last 16 years, so I have a little experience. And while I'd like to share that experience with you, I also have to temper it with objectivity so I don't end up an emotional mess at the end of it. You see, very few things can bring me to tears, but talking about the girls is one of my biggest triggers. For you and for those kids who seriously struggle through the holiday season and for their families, I'll pull on my Big Girl panties and share what I've learned.

 

1. Sensory Overload: A healthy, functioning brain is equipped to handle and process multiple sensory experiences. And yet, some of us feel overwhelmed this time of year because there is just so much going on around us. An autistic child struggles daily with sensory overload and the most common reaction is the "Fight or Flight" response; complete meltdown or almost catatonic withdrawal, with meltdowns being the most common. My girls have problems with lights, especially fluorescent lights in stores, sounds, and touch. So you get them in a place with a lot of noise, lights and crowds brushing up against them, you may as well just clear the area for the show. Know your child's limitations, and plan accordingly. Don't think you're just going to sneak a shopping trip in this one time because they're in a good mood. It will crash and burn quickly. If you are out with the kids, keep a close eye. You know your child's "tells" and can move them out of the chaos if they're close to meltdown. If you are around someone else's autistic child, talk to the parents about their child's sensory challenges. Don't EVER be afraid to ask questions, we can handle honest curiosity better than blind ignorance.
2. Gift Giving: Most autistic kids come with a built-in "Gift Giving Guide" in the form of a handy obsession. There will be one thing that captures this child's imagination and nothing else will exist in his or her world. Now, this is a general statement. It is well-known in the Autistic community that if you've seen one child with autism, you've seen ONE child with autism. But if you have a child with an obsession, don't fight it. My oldest is horse crazy, anything with horses will be cherished. Anything else will be ignored. My nephew with Asperger's Syndrome (high functioning autism) is obsessed with Legos. I know every birthday, Christmas, etc. exactly what to get him. Another thing to consider with autistic kids is "simplicity". Don't overwhelm them with gifts. Their focus will be on the first one or two, three at the most. After that, it's just "noise" to them. My folks still struggle with this one, and grandma's feelings get hurt when the 5th and on presents are hardly noticed.  Don't overdo it.
3. Holiday Feasting: Oh dear Lord in Heaven, the food battles! Once again, a generality, but most autistic kids are very picky eaters. Mostly to do with those pesky sensory issues; taste, texture, smell, color. Everything is magnified grossly in an Autistic brain. Think of your own food issues. Is there anything you absolutely can't stand? The taste? The smell? The feel of it on your tongue? How would you feel if some well-meaning adult came along to force you to eat it? "Oh come on, just one bite. It won't kill you..." Sadly, in an autistic brain, it very well could. Back off; the parents know what their kids will and won't eat, let them handle it. Don't be insulted if they walk in with a bag of McD's to bypass the beautiful feast you've prepared. Trust me, if you want Peace On Earth, this isn't the battle to fight.
4. Meltdowns: Just know in your heart, there will be meltdowns. There aren't enough plans, contingencies, drugs, or happy places to completely eliminate meltdowns. Being prepared for them is your best bet. Have an escape route, a quiet place, and whatever you have that helps calm them. My youngest, at 14, still has a security blanket. I refuse to bow to Conventional Wisdom and take it from her; her security and peace of mind trumps society's approval EVERY TIME.  Another helpful meltdown hint, don't try to "talk" an autistic child out of a meltdown. Once that threshold has been crossed, your voice becomes noise and just another sensory irritant.

The biggest problem a parent with an autistic child has is a well-intentioned but uninformed public. We are already stressed to the max without having to deal with the disapproving stares and comments of "If that were MY kid..." Guess what? He/she isn't your kid. If you're out and see someone you don't know dealing with a child, especially an older child having a meltdown, don't make assumptions. Consider that 16 years ago, the occurrence of autism was 1 in 500 kids. Today it's one in 100; or for military families, 1 in 90. (I'll have a post on autism and the military later; very interesting data.) So the likelihood is greater these days that what you're seeing is Autism not a spoiled brat. If you're brave, ask if there is anything you can do to help. Most likely, there won't be; but the show of support is invaluable. If you're not that brave, a sympathetic smile and a kind word would mean the world. And if you're lucky enough to have one of these special kids in your circle, embrace them. Learn all you can, and become a de facto advocate. With the incidence of autism on the rise, the chances are greater that you will have a personal connection.

Mostly, just remember that this is the season we celebrate Peace and Love. Of ALL of God's creations.

 

Merry Christmas,

Angel