Wednesday, August 19, 2015

I sent my folks to the Naughty Corner

I'm at that age, and my parents are at their ages, where our roles have reversed a bit. They go on vacation and I worry when they don't call in to say they made it safely. If any of you remember their Great Northwest Trip last year, you'll know how crazy I got. You simply don't go off plan with an OCD daughter.

Last week, with losing Snoopy and Poppy's health issues, was extremely stressful, and they decided the best thing to do was head for their mountain cabin. They left Sunday and I should have heard something Sunday night. Nothing. No call, no text, no smoke signals. So I figured they were just settling in and I'd call Monday. No answer on their cell phone. No answer, no calls Monday. No answer, no calls Tuesday. I'm getting really worried. These are narrow winding mountain roads with sharp dropoffs and asshole deer that like to play chicken. I decided to go Nuclear, and call the resort management company that handles their cabin and see if they checked in.

Carla informed me they arrived on time, checked in and haven't been seen or heard from since. More worries. I asked if she could send someone from housekeeping to check on them and she agreed that would be wise. Within 20 minutes I got an irate call from Mom.

"What is your problem? We're fine. I've never been so embarrassed...."

I was hoping they weren't nekkid and occupied when housekeeping showed up, you know?

I gently reminded her of all the times she worried about me, and told her it was my turn now. Then I reminded her of the last time she'd never been so embarrassed...

We were in Walmart and I lost her. I went up and down the aisles, checked the bathrooms, went out and checked the car, went back in and looked some more. Finally, I went to the customer service desk and informed the clerk that my mommy was lost. With a gentle smile and a glint in her eye, she made the announcement, "Will M. C. please come to the customer service desk. Your daughter is lost and waiting."

10 minutes later, my mom comes tear-assing into the customer service area, beet red, and grabs me by the arm. "Good Lord, I can't take you anywhere, I've never been so embarrassed....."

I was 25 at the time.


Anonymous said...

Wow your mom sounds nice. Mine gave me a set of lugage she got free gor apply for a atore credit card and a one way plane ticket to the opposite end of the continent.


Hawken Cougar said...

Your stories about life are A++ when the R-rated language is left out. Glad your parents are safe and keep blogging like an Angel!

Anonymous said...

the "lost parent" reminds me of the classic of the grandson who "lost" his grandpa at the mall....when the security folks had the little guy calmed down a bit, they tried for a description..."what's your grandpa like?" not getting the exact meaning of the question, the little man sniffed and said , "crown royal whisky and women with big tits!"....I keep imagining my little grandson and I .......

vaquero viejo

wirecutter said...

Jesus, Angel. You'd think you'd have figured out they're trying to avoid you? Have you already forgotten the "phone fell between the seat and transom" incident from LAST YEAR?
They'll be fine. If they wander off and show up here, I'll send 'em home.

Bobo the Hobo said...

Years ago, I took my mother shopping at Wally World, a place she liked going. After browsing one rack of clothing, I turned around to find her ... gone! This being Florida, we have a shit-ton of little, old ladies with white hair (we call them Q-Tips) so finding her was a challenge - looking over seemingly endless racks with little white heads moving about like some surreal Pac Man game. It took a while to find her and I told her we're going to have to staple one of those bike flags that stick up to her ass. She laughed so I can relate, Angel.

rickn8or said...

A few years ago, Favorite Niece was shopping with her mom for the back-to-school things. Favorite Niece was at that age where being seen in public with the parents is embarrassing enough, without any extra baggage.

Mom: "Favorite Niece, how are you fixed for underwear?"

FN: "Gawd Mother, could you possibly say that a little louder?"

Yes she could. She certainly could.

VonZorch said...

Ease up woman. Your parents are adults and can take care of themselves. They survived raising you didn't they?