Monday, December 21, 2015

Meet Max, my personal trainer

Okay, I'm gasping for air and nursing a twisted ankle as I type this, so bear with me.

Let Max out to do his morning business and he promptly forgets peeing when he manages to flush a rabbit. The rabbit, running for his life, outran Max, who was caught with his puppy pants down, and escaped under the fence. Max the Magnificent was not to be so easily deterred. He ran up and down the fence, trying to fit through any hole or gap he could find. Twenty minutes of fruitless, frustrating exercise and still no potty business.

Okay, Mr. Maximum Energy, time to see what's beyond the fence. I got his blue whales matching leash, hooked him up and hit the walking trail. This is the same 2.5 mile trek Charlie and I would take, down country roads out of the city limits. I figure we'd only do half since his legs are 1/3 the length of Charlie's. I underestimated him badly.

This little 20-pound wunderhound dragged my 200+-pound ass the entire 2.5 miles, shaving 10 minutes off my best time WHILE stopping to inspect Charlie's favorite rabbit holes and pee on every tree (shut up Terry in FL) and post that Snoopy ever peed on. So much pee! What keeps him from dehydrating?!

By the time we turned to head back, I was gasping, cramping, whimpering, and expecting him to get tired and slow down any. minute. now. PLEASE. Last half mile, I was praying with everything in my soul someone would drive by and offer us a ride home. No such luck. Max dragged me the rest of the way, up the steps (I crawled) and into the laundry room where I collapsed. My faithful pooch climbed over my prone carcass to get to his food and water, sated his thirst, climbed back over me and headed to his spot on the couch. So much for the legacy of Lassie going for help.

If we do this every day, I'll be swimsuit ready by May.

17 comments:

Critter said...

Get a dog they said. It will be fun, they said.

Anonymous said...

Trees! Bwahahahaha
Reminds me of Pierre, the dehydrated French Poodle.
Terry
Fla.

Kim Harrison said...

Sounds just like a westie

Anonymous said...

He settled in and started dictating policy rather quickly.

loaded4bear said...

Just think, that was his first foray into the wilds beyond your back yard. Wait until he get comfortable in his surroundings and wants to go for a real walkabout.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like he has some terrier in him. I had a miniature schnauzer that I'd take for walks through the woods. We'd be out for hours. One time I actually figured the distance and realized that I was taking the little hairball for what came to a sixteen mile round trip.

D Morel said...

They say there is a reason people with dogs live longer. Not sure it will work in your case.

Betty Robertson said...

This is awesome ,, will be looking forward to more readings here .. thanks for the laughs ,, I needed them badly today ...

hiswiserangel said...

Welcome to my little corner of insanity, Miss Betty.
Please don't pet or feed the commenters. They bite.

Keith Pearson said...

This evening at sunset, my Jake flushed a jackrabbit while out on CRP land. 11 years old, arthritic in both rear knees, hoofed it for all he was worth. I didn't bother chasing him, I just laughed. Last winter he chased a coyote for a quarter mile. That thing was just loping along the whole time, finally got tired of it, and kicked into overdrive. Like watching a Mustang GT and a Prius.

pigpen51 said...

I have a fat little Bichon. He is so smart, he will only go as far as he can walk. One way. And then wants to be carried back home. Did I mention he is fat? I guess if he would quit being so lazy, and start walking both ways he would be so overweight.
I know, he has me trained. You have to be a dog lover to understand.
Ok, I only did it once, but he still has me trained.

Sarthurk said...

Hey, try two Goldens and a Dachshund. I can't keep up.

Anonymous said...

I take my Greyhound out for a walk every morning. We each have raincoats, light coats, and heavy coats as the weather dictates. While reading your post I was chuckling and I laughed out loud when I read the last sentence. You nailed it! Thanks for the story...will look forward to your further adventures together.
Craig
Spring TX

Volfram said...

Hey, anything that gets you moving. It's true what they say, nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Of course, my diet is like 70% candy and I'm one of the thinnest guys I know, right after my brothers.(who could be underwear models. Ask their wives.)

eatgrueldog said...

Dogs are good medic1ne. We picked up a 65 lb. bulldog shortly after my wife's son died last month. Talk about being occupied and not having time to think.

Anonymous said...

maybe you could get about 10 or 12 more like him and sign up for Iditarod next year......

vaquero viejo

Mr. Miracle said...

May you say? Good dog, Good good dog.