I've been without internet for the better part of two days. TWO FUCKING DAYS. I'm going crazy. But the one tidbit of news that made it to my inbox was wirecutter informing/bragging that he closed out October with over a million hits. Holy shitsnacks, Fairy Blogfather!
I'm stoked when I get a 6000 hit day. I've had ONE 10,000 hit day in almost four years of doing this. I might hit 5 million hits before my 4th anniversary. So basically, I'll be celebrating doing in 7 months what wirecutter did in one. Mind blown.
Now here is where the statistician started going nuts. 1,009,969 is roughly 32,580 hits a day; 1358 an hour; 23 a minute. Okay, now 23 a minute doesn't sound so radically awesome, now does it? Pffft. But breaking it down reminded me of all the superstar athletes making millions to play a stupid sport, and when you break it down they're getting something like $23,000 per minute of play.
And I started thinking, what if wirecutter charged $1 for each click on his site? The boy would have the IRS breathing down his neck. But that's too steep for me, I'd owe him between $75-100 a week. So let's take it down to 10% of that, a dime a hit. Ten cents, or a dime for two nipples (hat-tip to the strange drunk guy in New Orleans who yelled that at me back in 1986 when I was a nubile 19-year-old hottie). At $100,996.90 for the month, I'd still owe him a butt-load of money, and the IRS would still be interested in his finances. So let's take it down to a penny. One American cent.
How many do you have rolling around your vehicles, in jars and plates around the house, in your pocket right now? How many do you see on the ground that you don't bother to pick up? One little penny for all the awesomely weird thoughts that spring forth from wirecutter's brain. If you put a penny, one lonely little Lincoln, in a cup every time you clicked on Knuckledraggin' My Life Away, and then added them up and shipped them to wirecutter at the end of the month, would you miss them? One penny for each hit in October would have earned wc $10,099.69. For all the milfs, tits, cameltoes, wacky stories, and deep penetrating thoughts on the state of our country. And if you find something there that adds true value to your life, kick it up to a dime. Go nuts.
But this is my challenge. And I know I don't have anywhere near the readership my Fairy Blogfather has, but I'm challenging those of you who do read me. One penny in a cup for every time you visit wirecutter this month. Right now, there's 6 pennies in my CutterCup and I've only had internet for the last 23 minutes. How about it? Any of y'all with me?