Housewarming for Miss Lisa, CGD and Wirecutter

I'm a Southern Belle. Don't let my obscene preoccupation with guns and sex mislead you. I'm a pure-bred, cotillion-trained Southern Belle. And my deep Southern roots impel me to respond to exciting life events such as weddings, graduations, births and housewarmings with one of two actions: casseroles and thoughtful gifts.

We're pretty well aware of Wirecutter's aversion to anything "casserole", unless it's bacon-wrapped bacon in a bacon shell. With bacon. Plus, we're all such a spread-out, far-flung community, dropping off a gooey, cheese-infused tuna casserole isn't exactly practical. So that action is out of the question.

Their specific life event coming up is a move to a new Love Nest. Traditional housewarming gifts for an established "old married couple" are impractical and redundant. Seriously, how many coffee makers does a couple need? And again, a housewarming party with all of us getting together to fete them would be almost impossible, and I'm sure, against laws of man and nature. (Although it is still one of my cherished dreams to get all y'all together for a Blogger Blowout, it ain't gonna happen in the next two weeks).

So I turn to another Southern tradition: the venerated Money Tree. Money trees were meant to cover all those pesky incidentals that crop up that traditional gifts don't quite cover. Tying small donations to a "tree", they are meant to provide comfort and peace of mind, and are a blessing upon the household for continued prosperity. My Grandma Evelyn was the Queen of Money Trees; she could pull one together in a matter of hours and have it in the hands of the recipients almost before the ink was dried on the announcement. I feel, as her granddaughter, I can do no less for a couple for whom I have a great deal of respect and love.

So I'm calling on y'all, the Lane's friends and adopted family, to help me put together a "virtual money tree". We'll bless their move with a small gift, whatever you can, and help them start their new home with a feeling of love and warmth. Yes, it will probably go to bullets and bacon, but can you imagine any better way to spend it? His paypal account is on his site; or hell, I'll make it easy on you. k59lane@yahoo.com

Wirecutter will probably scob my nob for this. He's such a dude, very proud and private, but he should know that you don't argue with a Southern Belle when she's called to celebrate a happy occasion.

"God bless the corners of this house

And be the lintel blessed.

Bless the hearth, the table too

And bless each place of rest.

Bless each door that opens wide

To stranger, kith and kin;

Bless each shining window-pane

That lets the sunshine in.

Bless the roof-tree up above

Bless every solid wall.

The peace of Man, the peace of love,

The peace of God on all."

Traditional Irish blessing