Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The SOTU drinking game

I'm not watching it. I've got much better things to do, like shave rats, or suck-siphon the neighbor's Winnebago waste tank, or volunteer to expel the anal glands of every dog in the local shelter. All much more enjoyable and worthwhile efforts than watching Obama lie. But if you're so inclined to tune in, here is the SOTU Drinking Game compliments of Greg Gutfeld. Whom I love.




“Every time he says ‘folks,’ drink. Every time he says ‘fair share,’ drink. Every time he says ‘extraordinary,’ drink. Every time he brags about working tirelessly, drink. When he frets about lack of compromise, drink.  If he says, ‘Bring me a bill, and I’ll sign it,’ drink. When he brings up the middle class, the people he’s ruining, drink. Every time he says, ‘It’s the right thing to do,’ drink. Every time he cites someone that his policies have helped, drink. If she’s in the audience, drink some more. Every time he says, ‘I never said it would be easy,’ drink. If he says that after mentioning ObamaCare, drink again. If he says ObamaCare’s rough start was worth it, drink. And every time he reminds us that running a country is really hard, say, ‘Yeah, we can tell,’ and drink … Finally, each time you feel like you’re being screwed, drink. And if you still buy anything from this gas bag, then you deserve the world’s worst hangover, and enjoy it, ‘cause you built that.”

7 comments:

Heroditus Huxley said...

The only way I'd watch is if they hooked him up to a lie detector and a shock collar set to go off every time he lies.

hiswiserangel said...

How about hooking the shock collar to those shriveled up grapes between his legs?

Heroditus Huxley said...

He doesn't have any. I'm not sure if he never had, or if what's-her-ass had 'em removed.

stevierayv said...

Alright you two ball jokes are never funny.I must register my outrage at this matriarchal terror you have manifested on my kindly eyes and above that sort of thing brain.
Oh it's about obummer never mind:)

Mr. Miracle said...

Could we have the shock collar hooked to the brass ones the Mooch is carrying? Or how about to the pacemakers of the rich white "conservatives" in Con-gress that should be standing up to this jug-eared jackass?

Volfram said...

This drinking game sounds like it'd get you plastered faster than a Vodka IV.

I like Heroditus Huxley's suggestion, but it would alter the SOTU into an hour-and-a-half shock-collar induced seizure. *BRZARSRSZZRRBAARRRZZRZRRBBRRSZZAAAPRPPZRRZRB*

VonZorch said...

But it would at least be fun to watch.