Saturday, January 24, 2015

Dinner at Angel's

So, the Spouse has gone Paleo, the Cute Chicks still have their Autism food issues (no gluten, no casein, nothing too saucy or squishy, veggies raw, fruit or cookies for dessert. They love spaghetti as long as the sauce never touches the noodles.) So Spouse requires a special meal, Chicks require a special meal and I usually end up with a bowl of soup and a sammich.

Tonight, everybody has salad, then Spouse is on to liver and onions, steamed veggies, and quinoa with garlic; chicks have a GFCF pizza. And everybody has oatmeal raisin cookies. And me? I'm having an OCD PB&J.

So here's how I do it. Take two slices of bread out of the bag, avoiding the heel like ebola, and open them side by side mirror image. You want them to line up when you close the sammich. Spread peanut butter on BOTH pieces of bread, I'll tell you why in a minute, no globs and no flopping over the edges. Peanut butter must cover the full surface right up to the crust. I never use jelly, it's a globby spreading nightmare. Always jam, spread lightly across the peanut butter without disturbing it, stopping about 1/4 to 1/8 inch of the edges. Now, why is there peanut butter on both sides? Because it sticks together, sealing in the jelly. With your bread perfectly aligned, cut carefully on the diagonal.

And now everybody is fed and happy.

Bon apetit!

15 comments:

wirecutter said...

Holy shit, how do you make a bacon lettuce bacon tomato bacon sandwich? The fucking bread would go stale before you got done.

wirecutter said...

And what the hell is quinoa? Sounds pretty damned Californian to me.

hiswiserangel said...

I can make an OCD sandwich in under 2 minutes and quinoa is an ancient grain that is grown in Columbia and Peru.

wirecutter said...

Ah. So y'all are assimilating right on over to the latin culture, are ya?
Wheat and barley, AMERICAN crops, aren't good enough for you?

Dave In Indiana said...

I know you don't think to highly of me and stuff, but shit, I'm coming up on year end bonus time and having conflicts after reading that. Fund the Roth for the year with the bonus or take part of it and send Angel to a weekend retreat at a spa...decisions, decisions....

hiswiserangel said...

Awww, Dave, what makes you think I don't like you?! You're one of my peeps. And fund the Roth, I wouldn't know how to behave at a spa.

hiswiserangel said...

Fuck, wirecutter, don't give me shit, I just work here.

Dave In Indiana said...

" I wouldn't know how to behave at a spa."

That's when the fun begins, video evidence!

walker67 said...

Do we need to ship you some steaks ? Venison ? A big bag of tree rats ?

wirecutter said...

Somebody needs to ship her something if she's eating that foreign shit.

Anonymous said...

I thought I was the only person in the world who opened the bread like a book so it would line up. Also, have you noticed that jam is now the consistency that jelly used to be and nothing is like old timey jam.

Critter said...

how does one eat sketti without the sauce touching the noodles? seems to violate the space-time continuum.

greggbc said...

No jelly, no jam, use strawberry preserves.

eatgrueldog said...

LOL. My wife laughs at me because I will disassemble a sandwich and reassemble it if someone has not made it "Properly".Lunch meat, cheese, lettuce,mayo, everything has to be put on in the proper order. Wanna' rock my world? Make me a sandwich with the cheese on the bottom.....

eatgrueldog said...

LOL. My wife laughs at me because I will disassemble a sandwich and reassemble it if someone has not made it "Properly".Lunch meat, cheese, lettuce,mayo, everything has to be put on in the proper order. Wanna' rock my world? Make me a sandwich with the cheese on the bottom.....