Sunday, August 31, 2014

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Utah's first favorite vice?

Bacon Peanut Butter Cups

It's been a while since I dropped a bacon recipe on y'all. This is one of my absolute favorites. Enjoy.

1 cup creamy peanut butter, divided
4-1/2 tsp butter, melted
1/2 c confectioner's sugar
1/2 tsp salt
2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
6 Hershey's bars, coarsely chopped
6 slices bacon, coarsely chopped

1. In a small bowl, combine 1/2 cup peanut butter, butter, confectioner's sugar and salt until smooth. Set aside.
2. In microwave, melt chocolate chips, chopped candy bars and remaining peanut butter; stir until smooth.
3. I can NOT stress this enough. Use regular size muffin cups, we aren't messing around here. 
4. Drop a goodly spoonful of chocolate into the cups, add some crumbled bacon, top with more chocolate, then a dollop of the peanut butter, topping with more chocolate and a sprinkle of bacon while it's still soft.
Make sure the bacon and peanut butter are away from the sides of the cups and fully encased in chocolate.
5. Refrigerate until set, store in an air-tight container. Store?! ~snort~ yeah, right.

Saturday in Wisconsin

Dirt therapy

Nothing clears my head and calms my soul 
like a little walk down a lonely dirt path. 
Yeah, the body I'm dragging behind me is irrelevant.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Daily outrage

Okay folks, local news just reported that our Texas National Guard troops, sent down by Gov. Perry to cover a border that our President didn't feel compelled to cover, have contacted the local food banks for assistance. You see, the way this goes, the troops are deployed, but not paid or reimbursed for meals until the pay period AFTER they've been there. So up to then, meals and incidentals come out of their pockets. Think of your own budget, could you pay for your meals, cover household costs at home, for a month while waiting to get paid?
Gov. Perry, you sent them down, see to their needs. And in the meantime, Texans can step up here. I'm contacting our local food bank and National Guard post to see what can be done to put together emergency food boxes to ship down there.
Meanwhile, our pretender in chief, fresh off a grueling 15-day vacation, is off for a grueling three day weekend of fundraising and celebrity-studded wedding festivities.  The nutritional advisor for Mooch's Let's Move campaign is marrying an MSNBC reporter in a glitteringly pretentious ceremony. I hope he chokes on a bon bon.


Apparently, the National Guard is furiously backpedaling on this. They called it a "proactive" move to ascertain resources in advance of any needs. I have a feeling, you talk to the soldiers, it's one story; you talk to the politicians, it's another. The Democrats have seized on this gleefully to make themselves look sympathetic to the troops they vehemently opposed.

Looks legit to me

Lemons=Lemonade, California style

Angel's autobiography

Blonde calls customer service

Damn, good question.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

If wirecutter had a son

And then becomes shit on the savannah

Really?! ~sigh~

The best Ice Bucket Challenge. Ever.

The other entitlement class

Someone asked me why I said I wrote my "Gratitude" post with "mixed feelings", and the simple reason is that I didn't want the message to be highjacked by a bunch of racist bitchings. I think we all know the welfare entitlement class is pretty much equal opportunity. We know examples of white welfare mooches with bad attitudes. It was just at that particular Walmart on that particular Saturday, the majority was black and Hispanic. Go to one of the other Walmarts in that town, and you'll get the African, Middle East and Indian welfare contingents. By far, the rudest and most abusive of the entitlement classes come from the northern African and Middle East countries. I could start a whole new firestorm by identifying the majority of these folks as Muslim (and I wouldn't be wrong). But the focus of the post wasn't race, it was the pervasive culture of entitlement that has grown in this country. When you don't see the source of the income, when you aren't personally involved in the work that goes into earning the money, you have no appreciation for the sacrifice. You cease to see the source of the benefits as the hardworking, taxpaying men and women of this country, and you substitute the government as the source. The money comes directly to you from the government, a non-entity who doesn't sacrifice hours away from family in order to earn the money that covers your EBT purchases. You don't have any sympathy for "the government"; you don't care about anything but getting your free stuff, forgetting that it isn't really free.

But now I want to talk about the other end of the entitlement spectrum, the privileged entitlement. As aggravating and enraging as the welfare entitlement class is, it's the privileged entitlement class that scares the bejeesus out of me. The first are The Takers, the second are The Plunderers. The welfare class votes, but who gets their votes? You got it, The Plunderers. Barack Obama is their King. He set the Gold Standard of Privilege Entitlement without Production. The man literally did nothing his entire life but show up, and now he's the leader of the Free World. That's a serious Oh Shit moment. These people started with the Gen Y's and Millenials; the spoiled, entitled kids of the upper middle to upper class who grew up with little real discipline, earning Participation Trophies, and being told they were exceptional for just breathing. Their parents provided the best of everything, requiring nothing in return. Best clothes, cars, schools, vacations. And all for being born to the right family. No wonder they feel a bloated sense of entitlement. No one ever held them responsible for anything. They showed up en masse a few years ago in OWS protests, sporting designer clothes, drinking Starbucks and blogging about Evil Capitalism on their MacBooks while claiming to be the 99%. Please. They are embodied by entitlement queen Sandra Fluke (rhymes with ..... duck), who truly believes the world owes her free birth control because.... well  just because. So understand that while the welfare class takes, it's the privileged entitlement whores who rise to power and plunder the working class in order to pay for it all. These are the ones to watch.

So what got me started thinking about this? I spent a few hours in the presence of a Prince of Privilege yesterday. I got to listen to him whine and complain about how selfish and unfair his parents were for pulling their financial support from him. The beasts. They had paid the outrageous tuition and fees for their little Prince to attend University of Texas last year, and he showed his gratitude by partying and flunking out. He also got into trouble for MIP (minor in possession) and DUI. They hauled his happy ass home to the Panhandle and laid down the law for the first time in his over privileged life. He had to get a job this summer, first of his life, and being the unskilled idiot he is, all he could land was a spot on he county road crew (pardon me while I snicker here). It was "humiliating, beneath him and his talents", he launched into a 30 minute rant of THIS was why illegals need to receive amnesty so they can do this kind of menial labor that is so far beneath him. I kept popping Tums and suppressing the urge to smack him. They also told their Little Prince that he was not getting another dime from them for his education, they also weren't going to co-sign a government loan for him. He was on his own. How horribly unfair! How outrageously shortsighted! Didn't they see his greatness?! Um, yeah, they saw his greatness flunk out in spectacular fashion. So his options came down to trying to find a better job with no skills or attend a community college to get his GPA up to snuff for scholarships. He acted like they were condemning him to a life of mediocrity, and that his future lack of success would land squarely on their shoulders. He had no concept that his future was placed in his hands, and all the results were his and his alone. Mercifully, I had to quit his presence in order to pick up the Cute Chicks from school.

We have millions of these privileged entitlement folks. They are the ones populating the Ivy League schools preparing for their rise to power over the nation. They have never worked a real job, never produced anything, never been allowed to fall on their faces, never been allowed to fail and deal with the fallout. They have no concept of reality, and sadly, most of us know them personally. How did you raise your kids? How are your kids raising your grandkids? How many of you see these little Princes and Princesses in your local schools and communities? Last year, a drunk driving homicide case involving a Prince of Dallas spawned the term "affluenza" to describe the phenomenon of privilege entitlement. It's sadly fitting, and it's an epidemic. So, while you curse the welfare entitlement class, it's the privilege entitlement class you should fear. They're the ones who are going to frame and sign the laws that will bring America to her knees.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Wirecutter does arts and crafts

Creative imbibing

The last couple of days have been, well, unpleasant. But got to meet with a good friend today, make fun of fashion, eat some awesome Mexican food, and prowl CVS Pharmacy looking for her elusive hair color. But I love CVS for a different reason: booze. Well, wine.

They always have the wildest and most creative ways to imbibe. And today, I found THIS:

It's one of those cardboard pouchy thingies with a plastic screwcap. Just chill and drink. Don't even need a wine glass. That's taking ripple in a brown paper bag to upscale territory.

Hints of melon and pear, and supposedly three glasses worth. Yeah, right.

And it's environmentally friendly, which is something I always worry about when I'm looking to get toasted.
So, bottom's up! Slainte! Salud! And my Grandma E's favorite toast:
I drink to your health and happiness!
I drink to your health alone!
I drink to your health so g**damn much
I've almost ruined my own!

Geez, dude, are ya blind?!

Yeah, but I can read Braille...

Super cool

Looks like something out of a 19th century science fiction novel.

Pretty sure I had her for 4th grade

Hip hop for math nerds

You didn't build that

A very successful web attracts a lot of attention. Lazier spiders, and spiders with less web-building talent, took notice and promptly started protesting. The Spider Union demanded this guy join and share his wealth with his less fortunate spider brothers and sisters. After a couple of webs' worth of this nonsense, in which he was allowed to enjoy only a small fraction of the fruits of his labor, Mr. Spider closed down his web and relocated to a doorway that was more friendly to hardworking entrepreneurial arachnids.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Won't go to a Maj. General's funeral

but will be attending tonight's Emmy awards ceremony? Just when I thought I couldn't be any more disgusted with Obummer, he reaches a new low. And it's because he won a motherfucking Emmy award for some lame-ass show he did with Zak Galifinakis.

If you can stomach it, read HERE.


But seriously, what do you think of Ryan?


Would make me giddily happy to see anywhere one may have to "wait".
Hospitals, airports, government buildings.
I usually have a book in my purse, or my Kindle if I know I'm going to be "waiting",
but there have been occasions where I was caught without one.
And, OH HEAVEN, if they have some kids' books in there.

A frozen fuck you

I personally want to know what his diet was that allowed him
to fashion a knife out of his own shit and frozen spit. 

Saturday, August 23, 2014

I've had all three break my heart


I have mixed feelings about this post. But I'm just going to report the facts as I observed them.

Every year, the local Kiwanis Clubs team together with the Salvation Army and Walmart to host a Back to School fair for underprivileged kids in the area. There's snacks and bouncy houses, a vaccination booth (don't get me started here), and each child receives a backpack, lunch box (don't know why since they all get free lunches), and all the recommended supplies. This year, they prepared 5000 backpacks. 5000. Backpacks. Full of stuff. Free. And they ran out with a considerable number of kids still left. So they issued vouchers to Walmart for the same items that were being offered at the fair. One $10 backpack, one $5 lunch box, paper, pens, pencils, RoseArt markers and crayons, binders and notebooks. Probably about $70 total. Not a bad deal, especially when you consider most of the recipient families have two or more (many more) kids. Take my next door neighbors, four kids all anchor babies, mom and dad don't speak English, would have received $280 worth of free school supplies.

Now, I'm extremely charitable, I'll give the shirt off my back and the last buck in my pocket to someone who really needs it. And I don't expect drippy gratitude, a "Hey, thanks!" is good enough. But when I give someone something, the last thing I expect is hostility. And that's just a small fraction of what I witnessed at Walmart this morning.

First, I've never seen anything like this in my life. You know how they have the school supplies all together in 4 or 5 very organized aisles? You couldn't get down them. They were packed with carts pushed by adult women tapping away on iPhones with ghetto nails while their unsupervised young'uns battled it out over the supplies. Grabbing, shoving, pushing, rude, snotty little turds. It looked like a plague of locusts had descended on those aisles and nothing was left but some broken boxes of Crayons and scattered sheets of notebook paper. I'd been there about 5 minutes when three Walmart workers finally showed up to stop the three kids who were opening packages of notebook paper and throwing them at each other. I decided the girls could take their old lunch boxes for the first day, and I'd get new ones Monday in the peace and calm.

Moving away from that section towards the food half of the store, I went by the registers. First, I've NEVER seen more than 5 registers open at a time. There were 9 lanes open and devoted to vouchers, 9 to 10 carts deep. And I'm telling you, these carts were overflowing with shit. There were two normal lanes open for non-voucher shoppers and of course the self-checkout lanes. I'll get back to this in a bit, still trying to process. I made it to the back of the store for a quick pit stop before getting the grocery items and getting the hell out of dodge. Walking into the bathroom was one of the saddest and most disgusting things I've ever seen. It was trashed, stank, and there were feminine products and feces clogging all the toilets. There was one woman standing at the sinks, crying, dressed in Salvation Army gear. She wasn't talking to me, but I could hear her saying, "It wasn't supposed to be like this, they're so ugly, it's just so wrong." I gave her an apologetic smile and left. Got my groceries in record time, practically no one on that side of the store, and scored two lunch boxes from a lonely little display in the seasonal aisle.

I got in one of the two regular lanes, about 5 or 6 back, and started observing the circus. And that's all I could think, "Not my monkeys, not my circus." Let's go back to the beginning of this post, remember the list of items? $10 backpack and $5 lunchbox? These people were trying to ram through $25-35 backpacks and $10-15 Igloo lunch boxes, tennis shoes, pushup bras and thongs, meat items, and one very belligerent woman had 4 12-packs of Bud Light. "Ma'am, only school items on the list." "But my chirrins need them for they lunches." "What?!" "My chirrins, they be needing them for they lunches! Bitch didn't you hear me?" "Ma'am, beer is not allowed in schools..." "Not these chirrin, my older chirrin! They needs these for they lunches!" "Manager to Register 3..." The Hispanic mamas didn't speak English and were relying on kids to translate. Try telling an 8-year-old they can't have the $12 Frozen lunch box because it isn't on the list. Then the whole RoseArt versus Crayola battle. The kids at the Salvation Army fair got RoseArt, almost half the cost of Crayola, and that's what the vouchers covered. But the RoseArt supplies were hardly touched and the Crayola was wiped out. At the registers, the fights started over, "My kids don't want none of that RoseArt shit, are you saying they ain't good enough for the good stuff? Only white kids get the good stuff?"

I was in line for 45 minutes. I got to see and hear more than I ever wanted. The "shoppers" were rude, angry, smug, and beyond ungracious. They attacked the cashiers, the managers, the poor old guy greeting at the door, and any shopper who didn't look like them. My fellow non-voucher shoppers were looking grimmer, angrier, and a little sick. I watched one brave/stupid older woman approach a very large woman with six kids hanging off her cart ($420+ of free stuff), and tell her "I know gratitude is beyond you, the least you could do is be polite." The oldest of the boys, about 12ish, menaced her, got in her face and said, "Fuck you, bitch! You owe us!", while momma smirked in approval. Two gentleman took her and her cart, hopefully all the way out to her car. I finally got checked out, and like all the non-voucher shoppers before me, exited the store by the doors closest to avoid having to walk the gauntlet. It hadn't taken long for the voucher shoppers to hone in on us. By the time I left, security guards had been placed in the alleyway between the registers and the little businesses (bank, eyeglasses, customer service,etc.)

So this was probably the first time I truly got a taste of how bad it's gotten, how far society has slipped, how poisoned the populace has become with entitlements. Some people, out of the goodness of their hearts, tried to do something nice for some people who didn't appreciate it in the least. Things are rapidly getting worse, but I'm ready.

The other side of the Entitlement Coin.

Run, Charlie, run!

This reminded me so much of my CharlieDog. She'd go puppycrazy in the evenings,
and run full bore around the backyard, through the garden, under the deck. 
When she really got going, her body would lower to hover just above the ground
and you couldn't see any of her paws touching.
She flat out FLEW.
Then she'd run right at Teen Queen, stop on a dime with a doggy grin
at her squeals and laughter, and then off she'd go.
So my CharlieDog is running in Heaven.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Snow White visits Achmed's farm

We did!

Can you imagine the amount of eagle crap covering that truck?
Can you imagine trying to shoo them away so you can get in?
What is bald eaglese for "Fuck you"?

Exciting autism research: Synapse pruning

This is one of the very few theories that actually makes sense. Especially when considering sensory overload and hypersensitivity to stimulii that many people with autism suffer. The theory concerns an overabundance of synapses in the brain, which might sound like a good thing at first, you know, more is better. But then you start thinking about how the nation's traffic would look with a bunch of narrow two-lane highways going to the same destinations instead of large, muliple-lane highways to carry the load more efficiently. That's basically what's going on in the Cute Chicks' brains. Too many little pathways, all firing simultaneously. A healthy human brain starts "pruning" the excess synapses from toddler years into young adulthood; however, this pruning doesn't occur in an autistic brain. Most of the pharmacological treatments are focused on "slowing down the synapses" so that the person can receive, process, and act on stimulii clearly and calmly. It takes very little to overwhelm someone with autism. The synapses are going nuts and the default setting is fight or flight. Introducing "pruning" into their brains could be a non-chemical answer to many of the more debilitating symptoms. Crossing my fingers on this one.

Read More Here

Irish and wirecutter: The (not so very much) later years

Don't think they're gonna reach 88 mph


Parental Update

My folks headed west Wednesday morning and didn't call to check in until 2 pm yesterday. That's 31 hours without hearing a word from my septaugenarian parents. I was panicking, full melt-down mode. Talked to the local police about issuing a Silver alert and was asked, "Are they disabled? Any mental issues? Any critical health issues?" I thought long and hard, and couldn't come up with anything other than they're getting up there in age, they're equipped with a GPS that may as well have come from an alien spaceship, and Poppy frequently gets lost and/or distracted coming home from McDonald's. I had to admit, no, they're fine, and settle for issuing a missing persons report if they didn't show up at my brother's house today. I'm glad I held back; Poppy would have skinned me alive if he'd driven into Spokane and seen their names on the DOT billboard under a Silver Alert. Instant death. 

But they called, had lost their phone as it tumbled out of the Black Hole that is mom's purse and lodged between her seat and the center console. They'd stopped at Walmart to buy a burner, and mom was digging for the sunshade when she found it. She called me immediately since there were 50 missed calls from me and my brother. All of my anger faded (you know that righteous Mommy anger when someone you love scares the shit out of you); I was so happy they were alive, I booked 'em into a Holiday Inn in Butte, MT. It pisses me off that they still short-change themselves. I don't know why they're still so reluctant to spend money; we've both told them that we aren't expecting an inheritance. They've got ample insurance to cover any debts. They need to see how close to zero they can get before dying. She told me they'd spent the first night in a dank, scary Motel 6 (someone had shot out Tom Bodett's light) for almost $70. We have almost 400K Holiday Inn points, we got them a king suite for $40 and a few little points. I made them a deal that I'd take care of all their lodging if they'd just try to call in now and then to let me know they're alive. I wasn't a bad kid, but I also wasn't real good about curfews and calling in when I'd be late. I think I'm paying for it now.

So, a few days at a cabin for fishing and general shenanigans, and then they'll head across Washington to some relatives on the Oregon coast. I've got 4 days of peace. And planning. I can safely put this here since Poppy isn't going to be reading the blog on the road; we've got two of their best friend couples lined up to meet them in Vegas. Three days of what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Please God, let it stay in Vegas...
I'm setting up a couple of shows for the group and a trip to Hoover Dam to take the dam tour. 

That will be Poppy at the back of the tour with a fishing pole. Gotta love that man. 

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Got your nose!

Well, bless your heart

I read this and instantly thought of Laura Bush. I can see her in this role of genteel Southern Lady.

Texas Attitude

One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Austin . As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin’ to jump. ("fixin to" in Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action).

She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump! Think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "My mom and dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children."
He replied, "I'm not married, and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, then you just remember the Alamo, son ."
He replied, ''What's the Alamo?''
She replied, ‘’Well, bless your heart! You just go ahead and jump, you little Yankee Obama-lovin' Democrat bastard. You’re holding up traffic”.

Thanks to a very dear friend, Becky W., for the daily chuckle.


Eureka! It's the MotherLode!

Bug-out Bug

Again, I want this. I have a feeling, if I won the lottery, I'd have a collection of supercool and weird campers instead of shoes and bags.