Friday, November 29, 2013

Jingle my bells! Announcement from III Arms

Two exciting announcements from III Arms:

In case you need prompting, that's a $20 per ticket chance to win the LAST Founder's Series Minuteman-15 rifle ever built, and the ONLY one that will ever made available to the public. That's not just a weapon built by the only company that builds weapons with the sole purpose of defending Liberty. That's a piece of history, folks. For $20 a ticket. Damn.

The other link is the only Black Friday sale a Patriot will ever need. So hit the links, y'all. Support the III.

The birth of wirecutter

Guest bathroom at Seigfried and Roy's cabana

Thanksgiving, Day 2

I don't know how many of you do this, but we did one side of the family yesterday, and today we head to the other side. Two Thanksgiving dinners in two days. I am heartily sick of turkey and dressing. If I have to eat another damn cranberry, I'll puke. I want a freaking Meat Lover's Pizza and a couple of beers. Really? Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

May your turkey be moist,
May your dressing be dreamy,
May your pies be covered with
Bessie's Whipped Creamy....

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Well that explains the hot flashes..

Prudence! You slut...

Angel's Bacon Cornbread Dressing

Okay y'all, time to kick it in gear for the big day tomorrow. We'll be at my folks for the meal and after-meal meal; and I believe it's my turn to do the bird and dressing. This one is so simple it's silly.

Make your cornbread, whatever mix you choose, and add the chopped onion, celery, garlic, sage and parsley to the batter BEFORE baking. Why, you ask? While it's baking, the onion and celery cook and the cornbread soaks in all the flavors of the seasonings.

While that's baking, get your bacon cooking. This is entirely up to you how much you want to put in, I always go for a pound. Get it to your preferred doneness and then chop and set aside.

After the cornbread has cooled, crumble it and about 8 slices of lightly toasted white bread (I prefer Texas Toast bread, because, well, DUH) into a large (really large) mixing bowl. Add most of the chopped bacon and toss. Add 2 eggs slightly beaten and 2 3/4 cups chicken broth. The broth, again, is to taste. Remember to add it slowly. You can always add more, but it's hard to take it back out. Coarse salt and fresh ground pepper. Toss to mix and let it sit, then toss it again. If you can't tell, I'm sampling the white wine while I'm doing this. Then turn into a greased baking whatever and top with the remaining bacon. Bake at 375 for about 30 minutes or until the top is browned to your taste.

Now you've noticed a marked lack of measurements and details. This is something that is such a personal dish, you really only need guidelines rather than rules. The size of the mixing bowl and baking dish is relative to the number of relatives you're feeding. I usually make a roasting pan full of dressing. And only twice has it been too much, if there is such a thing.

I am sending you my deepest wishes for a very Happy Thanksgiving. Hug everybody you love, even if they are or have recently been difficult to love. Understand that misunderstandings are temporary, family is forever. I am very grateful to have added each and every one of you to my family.



Tuesday, November 26, 2013

That'll land you on the Naughty List

That step gets me every time

Sometime during the wee hours of the morning,
I passed 750,000 hits.
Damn, y'all really like me,
or you're really really bored.

Either way, thanks for indulging my insanity.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Oh no. Nonononononono.....

Behold! Barack Obama, King of Malignant Ineptitude!

Ouch, that's gotta hurt!

My two favorite excerpts:

Next time there's an election, I want Nate Silver to analyze the data and tell me who to vote for so that I don't end up casting my ballot for a very eloquent hat stand.

This is a man who should be the most transformational figure of the century. Hell, he promised to be that. Instead he wields all the power of a substitute teacher at night school.

Read more:

Perfect Christmas Gift for Meatheads

Well, my lovelies, it seems you broke the site.
Honestly, I would LOVE to know how many of you
followed the link and bought them.

And for those who didn't,
HERE is another one.

The story behind the picture

If it's not T&A, it's  "Aw fuck". So on the rare ocassions when wirecutter posts an "Awwww" pic, it's usually a doozy. The one he posted HERE last night has just as good a story as what you might imagine. A little different, but just as good.

Thanks to WiscoDave for the link.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

And that, my friends, is why Progressives don't have a sense of humor

I like my chances

Google in da hood

A doggy "aw fuck" moment

THIS is why I have a bail fund

We are fortunate to live in a small town, actually that was by design. When we got Teen Queen's diagnosis, I researched the educational possibilities, large urban schools, small rural schools, homeschooling. To be honest, I chose not to homeschool because I need a break. And I'm sure they need a break from me too. But the services offered by large schools opposed to small schools are the same by law, the difference is in student to teacher ratio (the girls have had personal aides throughout their schooling) and in the student population. You can't control or influence the behaviors of a large student body, but you can come close in a small one. There are less than 200 students, pre-K through 12, and 90% of the students have been here their entire school careers. Which means, they've grown up with the cute chicks, they KNOW the cute chicks, I have been educating the student body and their parents about Autism for the last 14 years, since TQ started PPCD. If there is a bullying situation, it usually comes from a new student who hasn't run up against the girls' posse. I have had a few run-ins with ignorant parents, but they usually survive the experience wiser and more tolerant. Usually. I will continue to educate, enlighten, and if need be, "counsel" the population.

"Some of those defending the teens who posted the video have turned to shaming the autistic victim. Levi Weatherly, a parent of one of the accused teens insisted his child was not wholly in the wrong. “Three-fourths of this stuff he brings on himself,” he said, “and probably a fourth of it is bullying that shouldn’t be going on.” One implied that he was asking for it: “This kid has done things to get people mad that I think he could probably control.”
But this sentiment betrays a basic ignorance of autism. According to advocacy group Autism Speaks, autism spectrum disorders (ASD) are “characterized by social-interaction difficulties, communication challenges and a tendency to engage in repetitive behaviors.” Like Levi Null’s Asperger’s syndrome, his repetitive movements and difficulties socializing are not voluntary, and he cannot turn them off at will."

Friday, November 22, 2013

Che Guevara in 10 Inglorious Quotes

I'm going to print these off in flyers and hand them to all the twatwaffles wearing Che t-shirts.

Che Guevara
1)      “Youth must refrain from ungrateful questioning of governmental mandates.  Instead, they must dedicate themselves to study, work and military service.”
2)      “Youth should learn to think and act as a mass.  It is criminal to think as individuals!”
3)      “The victory of Socialism is well worth millions of atomic victims!”
4)      “We must do away with all newspapers.  A revolution cannot be accomplished with freedom of the press.”
5)      “To send men to the firing squad, judicial proof is unnecessary.  These procedures are an archaic bourgeois detail.  This is a revolution!  And a revolutionary must become a cold killing machine motivated by pure hate.”
6)      “Hatred is the central element of our struggle!  Hatred so violent that it propels a human being beyond his natural limitations, making him a violent and cold-blooded killing machine.  Our soldiers must be thus.”
7)      “The blacks, those magnificent examples of the African race who have conserved their racial purity by a lack of affinity with washing, have seen their patch invaded by a different kind of slave: The Portugese.”
8)      “The black is indolent and fanciful, he spends his money on frivolity and drink; the European comes from a tradition of working and saving which follows him to this corner of America and drives him to get ahead.”
9)      “I fired a .32 caliber bullet into the right hemisphere of his brain which came out through his left temple.  He moaned for a few moments, then died.”
10)   “I’d like to confess, Papa, at that moment I discovered that I really like killing.”

My sincerest apologies to Mr. Payton Alexander for not linking the source. Sometimes, posting while juggling mommy duties isn't the brightest choice in the world and I make a goof.

More common sense

Snuggle up

It has been a bitterly cold day. Currently 23, feels like 9. That's just wrong, people. It was 71 degrees two freaking days ago. Made German sausage and cabbage soup with crusty bread, and strawberry s'mores.

Saw this on Facebook yesterday and it got the wheels a'turnin'. Take the green off, dip in marshmallow fluff and slice in half, slap it between graham crackers and Hershey's bars, and voila! I had to hide the grahams and chocolate or the girls would have never stopped.

There is something so "winter" about toasting marshmallows in the fireplace. And hot dogs, and Baby Queen buns. She'll stand there with her butt to the flames until she can't take it anymore. Or I start to smell her cooking and move her. 

So, c'mon in and pull up a chair, get toasty warm and help yourself to some s'mores.

Oh my. Bacon Cashew Caramel Popcorn

You want a sweet, salty, savory munchy for the games this weekend? Or how about a kickass homemade gift for loved ones this Christmas? Give them a beautiful tin of this bacony yum.


½ Cup of unpopped popcorn kernels
2 tablespoons of vegetable oil
Bacon, chopped
½ Cup of unsalted raw cashews
1 Teaspoon of coarse kosher salt or coarse sea salt
¼ Teaspoon of cayenne pepper
¼ Cup of heavy whipping cream
Olive oil or vegetable oil spray
1 ½ Cups of sugar
¼ Cup of water
2 tablespoons of light corn syrup (optional)


Best. Spotter. Ever.

This is about as cute as it gets.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Texans United Against Progressive Fucktards

Christopher Tarango. Memorize the name and face. I'm borrowing Kerodin's vernacular, but this man is a definite Enemy of Liberty. Conspiring to use personal data from people forced to cough it up in the Obamacare shithole to turn Texas blue, in my mind, is a hanging offense. His quote in the video (long video, but well worth watching when you have time), "do whatever it fucking takes." Really, Chris? You want to go there? Because I can tell you, True Texans are more than ready to do whatever it fucking takes to stop the Progressive agenda in Texas. If you truly want to turn Texas in your Battleground, bring it on. We're ready.

James O'Keefe, the conservative guerrilla videographer, has hit the jackpot again. This time, he trains his hidden cameras on two organizations that shouldn't be working together but are. 
Enroll America, a Kathleen Sebelius brainchild, and Battleground Texas, a Democratic political group, have no business working together. But the Texas Enroll America Communications Director brags about working with Battleground Texas in at least one political race - a clear violation of Enroll America's 501 c (3) status.

Read more:
Follow us: @AmericanThinker on Twitter | AmericanThinker on Facebook

The "Derp" Award

Cul de Sac ~snort~

Is it just me, or should there be a 
big water fountain at the tip of the top cul de sac?

I'm about done with this shit

You ever have one of those weeks where you look longingly at your go bag and think, "I could just ghost out of here...."?

Two weeks ago, the pump on the washer went out and peed all over the laundry room floor. Cost of repair? $400.  It's a stupid Whirlpool Cabrio that hubby just had to have because it was "top of the line" and had all the bells and whistles. Do you know how many of those bells and whistles I've used in 8 years? Zero. I use the cold/cold, high spin, color setting. Period. So after the fix, one load and the control board goes out rendering it a big white water pot. Thank God for the wet/dry vac, but there's still water in it and I can't figure out how to get it out.

My Maytag Centennial, bare butt basic washer and dryer are on sale at Home Depot for $800 for the pair; that's $300 less than the POS washer cost. HD won't deliver until next week; we could go get it, but an artic front (the meteorologist's term) is coming in around dinner tonight, and tomorrow's high of 26 with wintry mix doesn't sound conducive to hauling a washer and dryer 40 miles. Plus I don't want to hear hubby bitch because it's all my fault, poor planning, yada yada yada.

Anywhere else, not a big deal, right? Just take the clothes to the laundromat until the machines are delivered next week. Except Bumfuck Nowhere, TX doesn't have one of those new fangled laudromat thingies. It's the 40-mile drive to the Big A for that kind of tomfoolery. Which leaves me with a week of dirty laundry in the bathroom floor, a worthless washer hoarding 2 gallons of dirty wash water that smells like feet in the laundry room, a bitchy hubby headed for home, an artic front set to intercept him, my dream laundry set 40 miles and  5 days away, and I'm out of rum.

I'm on my way to the Big A wearing my classiest push-up bra and tightest jeans to see what kind of deal I can make. Momma needs a new washing machine.

The Panhandle weather folk graduated from the Obama School of Lying Meteorology. The 5 pm Cold Front arrived at 10:05, on my way to Amarillo. I did see my babies at Home Depot, so lovely and simple, built in the US from US materials. However, unless we haul them home sometime this weekend in the freezing ice and snow, we won't get them until Tuesday. Apparently 36Ds pushed up into my nostrils are only so magical. I did get an additional $50 off each, but still no dice on emergency delivery.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Really, it comes down to common sense

Advices from An Old Farmer
Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

I just love watching men play with their bells

Controversy?! For the love of bells, why?? This is funny as hell, there's no nudity, you don't actually see their junk moving in their shorts, what is the controversy? Please someone tell me how this is offensive and a bunch of nearly naked babes bouncing down a runway in Victoria's Not-so-Secret undies isn't? I have no problem with either, but I'm sick of the double standards.

However, I do question the fact that the black dude's bells are deeper, inferring that his are somehow bigger. That's a racist stereotype, and that shit needs to stop in this Post-Racist Age of Obama. White dudes can have big ones, too. Just sayin'.

Why doesn't this ever happen to me?

Can you imagine, buying a new place, settling in and finding this? All I've ever found is the bones of old pets and some vintage garbage.

'It was all of what you would expect to find in a 1960s fallout shelter. It was food, clothing, medical supplies, tools, flashlights, batteries - items that you would want to have in a shelter if you planned to live there for two weeks.'

Everything remained remarkably well-preserved, thanks to the airtight containers the supplies were kept in. 
The family donated all of the items to the Neenah Historical Society, which has curated an exhibit about the Cold War and the fear of the Soviets using 'the bomb.' (WTF is wrong with these people?! You gave that shit away?!)

Read more:
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Miami Shores, FL can fuck off with a carrot

I will grow food for my family wherever the fuck I want. And anyone worried about aesthetics can merrily fuck off with the biggest zucchini  out there. Period.

Overwhelming emotions and Autism Spectrum

In the beginning, before I even got the diagnosis for Teen Queen, I could see her withdraw. Especially when emotions were running high. The Baby Queen was born with an insulating wall between her and the world. But even when doctors tried to explain their "lack of emotional connection and empathy", I KNEW they were wrong. Both girls would just sob at sad songs and sad parts of movies. We'd be sitting in a row on the couch, huddled under a quilt, watching The Lion King and sobbing when Simba's dad died. Both of them laugh inappropriately in awkward and uncomfortable situations, just like their mom. You can't tell me they don't get emotions.

But dealing with human emotions in real time differs greatly from dealing with cartoon emotions that never change no matter how many times you watch it. I coordinated with their therapist to use cartoon scenes to help them identify emotions and formulate a socially acceptable plan of action to deal with them in real life. Both girls handle it so differently, TQ will ask "Are you mad/sad/upset? Knock it off." Baby Queen will sidle up to me, hold my hand, and try to give me her woobie (yep, 16 and she still has a security blanket, it calms her, deal with it.) But both are clearly affected by other's emotions.

“I can walk into a room and feel what everyone is feeling,” Kamila Markram says. “The problem is that it all comes in faster than I can process it. There are those who say autistic people don’t feel enough. We’re saying exactly the opposite: They feel too much.”
Virtually all people with autism spectrum disorder, or ASD, report various types of over-sensitivity and intense fear. The Markrams argue that social difficulties of those with autism spectrum disorders stem from trying to cope with a world where someone has turned the volume on all the senses and feelings up past 10.
If hearing your parents’ voices while sitting in your crib felt like listening to Lou Reed‘s Metal Machine Music on acid, you, too, might prefer to curl in a corner and rock.
But, of course, this sort of withdrawal and self-soothing behaviour – repetitive movements; echoing words or actions; failing to make eye contact – interferes with social development. Without the experience other kids get through ordinary social interactions, children on the spectrum never learn to understand subtle signals.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Sadly, not a joke

I hear November is National Beard Month

Michelle got a National holiday before Barack, bless her heart...

Thank you, Mr. G

As part of Baby Queen's spoiling on her 16th birthday, her teacher asked me if he could gift her with some music. I said sure, and he asked, "What's she into? Miley Cyrus? Taylor Swift? Justin Beiber?" As I stared daggers at him, he started to giggle. Now I know for a fact he's heard me screaming into the parking lot blaring AC/DC, The Clash and CCR. He KNOWS we don't tolerate such bullshit, so I was pretty confident that he wouldn't do something so heinous. But I wasn't prepared.

BQ got ELO's Greatest Hits. For the last few days, from 4 am to bedtime, I've gotten to listen to this, over and over and over and over.....

I'm sorry, but it's funny

Word of the Day

A documentary homage to Calvin and Hobbes

It will always be my favorite comic strip. I always wanted to grow up to marry Calvin, and have an affair with Hobbes.

On Watterson's refusal to license Calvin & Hobbes images
I think it goes to his respect for the medium. I think he had a sense that that sort of licensing would diminish the significance, the meaning of his characters. That 
suddenly if Hobbes was a plush doll, does that answer that mystery of "Is Hobbes real? 
Is he a toy?" . ... What Calvin says in the strip, does that have as much meaning if 
he's on a Happy Meal? I think now one of the reasons why fans still hold Calvin & 
Hobbes in such high esteem is that it hasn't been watered down. We see Calvin and Hobbes in the books, and that's where they belong.

The day Fluffy went on diet Cat Chow

Friday, November 15, 2013

Freaking out the fauna

I would love to have this out in the middle of nowhere. Prime Nudity Property.

Kim Kardashian? Is that you?

Again, ladies, dress for the body you have. 
There is nothing sexy about this.
Or this....

So, for the love of all that's holy,

For the Blogger Blowout

Okay, I see this getting a little out of hand, but until someone gets seriously hurt, it's gonna be a blast.

Irish: The early years

Lazy day

So yesterday was the Baby Queen's 16th birthday, which means today is the Mommy Queens 4? birthday. Yep. 16 years ago, Miss BQ arrived in the middle of an ice storm in a truly spectacular way. She tried to kill me.

After 16 hours of labor, a decision to break my water, and a really sucktastic epidural, I was fully dilated and ready to head for delivery. On the way, THE CONTRACTION  FROM HELL hit and the next thing I know, the nurse looked at the gurney and said "Oh shit, call Dr. B!" Miss BQ was not satisfied with the way things were progressing and found an alternate route through my uterine walls. I'm told I hung in there about 2 minutes before passing out; before 5 minutes, she was out and on her way to NICU. At 9 lbs, 8 oz and 21 inches long, she was the biggest baby to ever grace NICU. They had to go buy 3-6 month diapers and pull a full-term incubator up from the regular nursery. She was transfused through her little umbilical, fighting meconium poisoning, oxygen deprivation, and severe jaundice. But she was a Warrior. And she hasn't stopped fighting.

But, Angel, what about you? I woke up in recovery with 24 staples from my whoo-haw to my belly button, and a direct line in my neck. I was told I received 9 units of whole blood and crashed twice. I spent the night before my 3? birthday in ICU demanding the nurses either take me to my baby or bring her here. NOW. They weren't used to having loud, obnoxious, conscious moms in their ward. The ICU nurses wheeled me out of there bright and early the morning of my birthday. I got to see BQ later that morning after walking down to NICU and going through the sterilizing process. She was a beautiful, little pumpkin. So orange. But beautiful. Three days later, I got to hold her for the first time. I remember like it was yesterday and still get teary-eyed.

So today, I'm taking it easy. A load of dishes, making a roast and a Kahlua cheesecake. Had a mani-pedi with Spiced Cranberry polish. Cracking open a new book and doing nothing more than what pleases me.

He'll live forever

No hunter could silence his truth, 
no Obama supporter would ever pick up a gun. 
He's golden.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

And it went up faster than the website

So You Think You Can Dance, aka Young Buns

This is for my female readers. What they are holding in their hands is Crisp Bread, a flat cracker containing mostly rye flour. Very, um, delicate. Bon apetit!

A Sailor's Dying Wish

Warning: This is at least a 4 Kleenex read. Proceed with caution.

Honoring Obummer

Happy birthday to my Baby Queen

Today is her Sweet 16. Damn. Hard to believe she's 16, and yes, I'm feeling very old. Already know the plans the school has for her today, she's going to come home sugared up and spoiled rotten(er). Then this weekend at her grandparents' house. More spoiling. Couldn't happen to a sweeter cute chick.

So happy birthday, BQ, my sweet angel! Love you very much!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Classical rant

This was played at my wedding. That should condemn it alone. This guy is fucking funny.

A joke

A housewife, an accountant and an Obamacare Navigator were asked "How much is 2+ 2?"

The housewife replies: "Four!"

The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time."

The Navigator pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

And the lies roll on....

Wirecutter's bedtime stories

Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Here, breathe through my bra

I'm a lingerie slut. I have more bras than any one woman could possibly wear. But I must have one of these. They are sooooo pretty, and functional! The Ebra, breaks into two emergency filter masks. And if you really need it, the Radiation Bra, two masks with a radiation detector between the tatas. Regular bra only $29.00, which is really reasonable for just a freaking bra, let alone a bra and two emergency masks. The rad ebra is slightly pricier at $49.99.