Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Night of the Living Badgers

And one poor, confused cat.

50 Shades of WTF?

So the ever so pious mooslimes in Guantanamo have tired of the Koran and are looking for saucier reading material. Seems the most popular book among high level detainees is the 50 Shades of Grey series. I have  read the series. Meh. If you are looking for truly good bdsm literature, try the Shadowlands series. But for the love of allah, next time a prisoner requests 50 Shades, slip him one of these. Set him back on the good and proper path.

Survival Condoms

I always tease wirecutter about his ever present supply of tampons in his survival gear. And then I saw this. A companion piece. Eleven survival uses for the lowly condom; well, you know, aside from the obvious. There are tips and videos, pics and step-by-steps. I love this article. And the last use? Priceless.


Mr. Miyagi on his day off

Tuesday, July 30, 2013


Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-TX. Oh how I loathe to write that. She is the ultimate race baiter and batshit crazy bitch kept in charge by the Dem. takers who settled in Houston, Texas' own little Detroit/Chicago. I know there are good, Liberty loving Patriots trapped in the Fucked Four of Dallas (rich white guilt), Houston (ghetto welfare), San Antonio (La Raza on the River), and Austin (California's favorite escape destination). I feel for y'all. But until you guys organize to get rid of people like Lee, there's not much I can do for you.

But now the Congressional Black Caucus (because you know, that's NOT racist) is pushing to have LEE replace Napolitano as DHS secretary. My heart just froze. Read the gruesome details here:

On the plus side, this will give veteran black (can I use that word) comedic actors Tracy Morgan and Keenan Thompson another character to portray. They both do drag really well.

Something to make a Patriot grin

I'm a Founding Member of III Arms. One of the best decisions I ever made. Not for financial reasons or prestige reasons, but for the most important reason of all. Liberty. Taking a stand. I actually did very little, wrote a check. That's it. There are so many people who have done so much more to advance the ball down the field. But I still have this warm swell of pride. In some little way, I helped. And look at them now.

Read the last two lines. Read them again. They are that important. I actually choked up a bit at the significance.

Good on ya, millerized.

Well, duh.

Sometimes, when we grow up and have big important lives with big important jobs and think big important things, we forgot how important small details are. I'm supposed to be fairly intelligent (minus the IQ points killed by Disney and Muppets) and educated, but I couldn't answer this without cheating.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Moonlight and tears

One of the greatest voices ever, there's so much depth and texture to this song. Absolutely one of my favorites. I can close my eyes and I'm transported. Slinky little black dress and pearls, hair in soft waves coquettishly hugging one eye, aged whiskey in hand, cigar and cigarette smoke curling in the air.  Come enjoy the night with me.

Sweet dreams

American Ninja Warrior vs. Wipeout

These are both shows I watch. Religiously.
One is a serious physical  challenge for serious athletes.

The other features a row of big red balls that you bounce across.

So which would you dudes do?
Guts and Glory in American Ninja Warrior?
Or the chance at $50K in Wipeout?

What did we forget to prohibit?

I say, if it's not specifically prohibited,
it's allowed.
What fun activities can you name?


What happened? The media happened, the breakdown of the family happened, the desire to be recognized for nothing overtook the desire to be known for doing something, and we generally stopped giving a damn.

I cancelled my dish 4 years ago. I have 12 local channels, 4 of them are Spanish. One of the Spanish channels is actually Hispanic PBS. Elmo en Espanol. I have very few shows I watch. I absolutely refuse to watch network news, I'll watch the locals because, well, it's funny. I have Netflix to keep up with quality entertainment like Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead and Say Yes to the Dress. Don't judge me, I'm a girl, dammit.

But I have never given one second of my life to Honey Boo-boo and her clan. Their time is up, someone please show them the door.

Best damned camouflage ever

You may have to embiggen it, but damn.

Where the hell did the weekend go?

The weekend went by in a frenzy of activity.
40 50-hour emergency candles, see post HERE.
15 4-oz jars of Strawberry Jam HERE.
Built 4 4x8x8" planter beds for fall crops,
and built some bat houses.
Tonight? Relaxing on the deck
with a cold drink and the stars.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Admit it, you just sang that

And now it's your songworm....

Best Minion Placement Ever

But the walls are giggling

Crazy Cat Lady Level: WTF??

Okay, yeah, you love your cats, but to do this?
Talk about lowering property values.

The Merica Burger, 100% Bacon

Okay, there is no better way to start a Sunday morning than to find THIS picture and story in your inbox:

I generally hate to give HuffPo any attention whatsoever, but how can you ignore this? This is a masterpiece, a Monument to Pig. You can't look and that and not start salivating. That is a picture of Nirvana. Ironically, this isn't a creation of Texas, or any of the other flyover states who cherish all things pork. Noooooo, this is the brainchild of Slater's 50/50 in San Diego, California. Suck on those bacon bits, you freaking PETAphiles.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

I am trying to substitute

Donuts, cookies, cupcakes (mini cakes, so they must be better for you than cakes, right?) are being replaced in my diet by more fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds. Found this graphic, extolling the virtues of fruit in a healthy diet. As I was reading through it, all I could think is "rum, tequila, ice, blender". Now I'm going to find a graphic extolling the virtues of rum and tequila.

Message for PETA

Epic Mom rant

I want to meet this woman, I want to buy her lunch and any adult beverages she prefers. THIS is what every diligent mom (and dad) has wanted to say to the whining, race baiting, 15-minutes-of-fame whore of a Trayvon Martin Mom since this whole thing happened. Look, Trayvon Martin's Mom (no one knows your name, no one cares to know it), what happened to your son was the tragic results of his own actions and choices. And what makes them tragic? A little hands on parenting on your part and your baby daddy's could have prevented it. There are millions of young black males who grow up in equally challenging financial situations who manage to not become thugs. It's not the entire white population's fault your son was a cheap-ass thug who bit off more than he could chew. It's not the Hispanic community's fault. It was Trayvon's fault, and yours because of your hands-off parenting skills. So shut the fuck up, stop trying to blame everyone else and shoulder the responsibility. It's too late to save your son, but maybe parents can learn from this.

Self-neutering idiot

Too bad it was just a paintball gun.

It would be funny if it wasn't true

WiscoDave sent this my way. A Top Ten List of things you could do int 1975 that you can't do now.
A startlingly clear view of how many freedoms have been lost in such a short time. Enjoy.

Friday, July 26, 2013

I absolutely love these guys

The garden

Just occurred to me why the garden looks so nice and healthy this summer. One of  Charlie's favorite things to do was root around in the garden. I can't tell you how many times she'd stand at the backdoor wanting to come in, snout and paws muddy with the evidence of tender green shoots hanging from her doggy lips. God I miss my Charlie.

Dude Painters of the Renaissance

Geaux Saints!

Flashback 1974


1974, I was 8 and ruled the playground. I held the record for longest swing leap and I could spin the merry-go-round the fastest. We actually had a jungle gym just like this on the playground. I'd walk the length of the spine from the head to the tail before sliding down the pole. Never ever wear a dress without shorts on the playground. That's rule #1. Kelly G would always stand under the jungle gyms to look at girls' panties. I hear he's a gynecologist these days.

This concludes your Angel Flashback 1974.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

On the off-chance

I know most of you are also wirecutter's loyal minions;  but just in case some of you haven't read this, please click the link, read it and then throw your voice in with small business owners. I'm proud to count Sara among my many online friends, and I'm really hoping to give her a "for real" hug one of these days. Now, scoot.

I feel ya, buddy

It has been raining cats and dogs and baby bullfrogs here all day. At one time we had a sunnythunderrainhailstorm. And I'm pretty sure a plague of locusts. So the wireless has been cutting in and out all day. And quite frankly, all I want to do in weather like this is cuddle up with a good book. Add to that computer woes, and you have one MIA Angel today. Sorry folks, will try to do better tomorrow....

Your abusive LEO blood pressure check

I can't tell you how angry this makes me, how bad it would be if this happened here. The Teen Queen will freak out and attack. This is her nature. This is why I have signs posted on the doors and windows informing there are autistic residents. This is why I lecture local first responders on how to communicate with and handle people on the Autism spectrum in emergencies.  Just wait until you hear the lead dude's justification.

Diva Style

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Yep, I think that pretty much covers it

I knew I was forgetting something

Happy National Tequila Day, y'all!

Update to the Screaming Bride from Hell

She speaks!!!! And of course, none of it is her fault. Poor baby. Just in case you were wondering what this high maintenance diva looks like, here you go:

From Right This Minute

Weekend Project: 50-hour emergency candles

Last weekend, I bought a box of assorted jelly jars at a garage sale. 40 jelly jars for $2.00. What the hell was I going to do with these?! They aren't canning jars that can be reused for food storage, they're Smuckers jelly jars. Hmmmmm.

Just found this, and now I have a weekend project. Yea!!!!!

Love this advice

Summer Fail

Close enough only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
You had better hope you catch air coming off that slide.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Too cute not to share

I think y'all pretty much have the idea that I'm not exactly graceful. Saw this, and believe it or not, it's a fair representation of me after a few shots of tequila. Enjoy.

Well, duh

But that would be too easy. And the government would lose money in fines. And lawyers would have to get real jobs. And.....

Alright, stevierayv, watch what you ask for

Honestly, y'all, I was just showing off my III to III tshirt because stevierayv showed off his HERE.

Every woman needs one

A very busy day

There has been no activity here because I've been catching up on things. When the girls are out of school for the summer, I'm pretty busy just keeping them on their schedules so little things like housework and bigger things like personal maintenance fall by the wayside. And today, being the first day of Summer School, I took advantage of the few hours of peace and quiet.

We were with the grandfolks yesterday when I realized I was chewing on my bangs, time for a haircut. I love my stylist, she's funky and fun and carries in the shop. I am jealous since her gun is bigger than mine. Bitch. But she worked me in on short notice and was appalled. I haven't taken my hair out of a ponytail for the last month. Washing and putting wet, curly hair in a ponytail band is apparently the worst thing for it. Added to the damage was the perm a few months back. Note to self: don't perm curly hair. So lost about 4 inches of the length and regained some bangs. Short but cute.

Second chore: The Teen Queen's Bedroom. Her bed, an Ikea wood frame, was looking sadly destroyed. I ordered a really chic metal platform bed for her with new, more sophisticated bedding. In a little over 2 hours, I had the old bed broken down and moved out, new one set up, new sheets and duvet, and about 8 pillows. Two artful posters of the Eiffel Tower, and the little girl's room grew up into a chic Paris loft. TQ was thrilled.

And now I'm looking at my bedroom thinking, NEXT! It's done in early American garage sale chic meets Little House on the Prairie. I think it's time for an upgrade.

Monday, July 22, 2013

I feel so much better now

Wow. And this is supposedly a grown-ass woman. Hey babe, I'll take you on the lake and leave your whiny ass there. How's that for compromise? Watch this, and then go give your beautiful, sweet, loving wives a big hug. It could have been so much worse.

Silly people, don't they know that once you post something to the internet
it's there forever?

If this is true,

I am so screwed.

Founding Father Wisdom

Or so I've been told

I only have two words: Jiffy Lube.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Need help

If any of y'all can help out with this or know someone who can, be appreciated.

Free Market

Now why didn't I think of that?

WiserAngel's Fun Facts

Hey Blue, that's a clue I didn't need

Mommies will find this disturbing and hilarious.
I don't know if you dudes know who Steve is, but being dudes you'll get it, too.

Let the games begin

Every damn time I see another march for "justice" and cry for the federal government to step in and DO SOMETHING about George Zimmerman, I think "Just keep moving the chess pieces around the board, the pawns are getting fucking tired."

Creepy ass crackas don't riot, they revolt.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Thanks for the tip

Sometimes, the Universe has a message. Sometimes it's subtle and shaded. Sometimes it's sharp as a knife and unmistakable. Sometimes it's whispered on the wind. And sometimes it's delivered to your inbox in neon green.

This has been the overwhelming sentiment from y'all. Always sent with a hug and a smooch. I appreciate it, and I'm going to try to do this more.

Breaking News

George Zimmerman has decided to change his name to Benghazi so that Obama and the main stream media will never again utter his name.

We return you to your regularly scheduled insanity....

Angel's Life 2.0

Thursday, July 18, 2013

A new personal best

In four days, I have managed to piss off, alienate and generally fuck up four individual friendships. When I'm in pain and frustrated and despondant, I tend to lash out and say really stupid shit. The problem is, being a people pleaser, my entire life I've put other people's feelings and emotions ahead of mine; I've swallowed and denied my own anger, pain, and frustration out of fear of losing someone. Until I finally explode, and sure enough, lose someone.

I also indulge in a little self-fulfilling prophecy; building emotional barriers, digging moats, filling them with emotional moat monsters and daring my friends and loved ones to prove how much I mean to them. When they finally get tired of battling my demons and throw up their hands in frustration and leave, I take it as proof that I am indeed unworthy of love, basically batshit crazy and unloveable. It's passive-aggressive behavior at it's best. Emotional blackmail and manipulation. If you don't stick around and fight my demons, then you don't really care. Honestly, no sane person would put up with this shit for very long. To those of you who have run head on into my insane challenges, I'm truly sorry. And for those who  have given up and walked away, good for you. I will miss you terribly, but I don't blame you a bit.

Over the weekend, my 21-day negativity fast came to a screeching halt with a combination of negative input from outside sources and my automatic response of agreeing to make it stop. As soon as I start agreeing with the negativity, it opens that door to all the demons I've been trying to silence. We all have a comfort zone, a place that we go when we feel it's too hard to forge a new path. We fall back into old habits, old behaviors, old vices. It's easier than change. Mine happen to be self-defeating, negative behavioral spirals. I'll think negative thoughts about myself, speak negatively about myself until those around me get so sick of it they stop fighting and either agree with me or just leave, which reinforces my negative feelings and the belief that I'm not worthy of love and friendship. Hah! told ya so.

The hardest part of all this is letting go of my comfort zone, but seriously it's not working for me. I'm down four friends and alienating others at an alarming rate. I can't keep going this direction. But I'm exhausted, defeated, depleted and scared. I'm not even sure where to start rebuilding.

I've been told that recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it. The next step is....what? Since the friends I've driven off are mostly online, I think first step is to turn of the damned computer. Logging on looking for someone who's not there is not a good way to boost your morale. I won't neglect the blog, but I'm not going to be checking for emails from people who are already gone.

A sneak peek at one of my Moat Monsters.
This one scares the fuck out of me.

Aw fuck, National Geographic edition

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Just sitting here watching The Big Bang Theory and sipping a whiskey sour, and it occurs to me that I haven't eaten since I stress ate all the edges out of a pan of brownies this morning.

So, what goes with a whiskey buzz?

Like a bunch of Lemmings

Yep, another one bites the dust. Astute and profound commenter, Beanburner, has taken the Blogger Plunge. Must be something in the water causing such widespread and virulent insanity. This gentleman is a neighbor, just across the Texas/New Mexico border; since he's in the original 1836 Texas lands, I'll call him honorary Texan. Whether he likes it or not.

Here's a sample of his brand of insanity, go welcome him to the Nut Bowl.

You'll also find his link in the old blogroll.