Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Update

I just want to thank y'all so much for the supportive words and atta girls. It's all too easy to get stuck in the loop of "shoulda's" and forget that what I did was right and worked. I met with a victim therapist today. I still rankle a bit at "victim" since I wasn't physically harmed and what I experienced on the scale of violence was pretty mild, but it helped to talk to her and she gave me some great advice and techniques on how to battle the panic attacks. I'm still not sleeping much, kind of cat naps here and there. I've stopped jumping every time I hear a pickup drive down the street, and I'm going to the range for a little aromatherapy probably Friday.



As for the perp. The pickup was found abandoned and out of gas about 2.5 hours east headed to Oklahoma. It was registered to a 70 year old farmer in a town about 2 hours south of here, definitely not the 40-ish Hispanic man with the little wee-wee (is that redundant?). He claims to have sold it on Craigslist about three months ago. In Texas, while you are supposed to register the title as soon as you buy a vehicle, a lot of people wait until the tags and/or registration run out. The impounded the truck, it hasn't been reported as stolen, and it's been dusted for prints. They got three sets, but none of them are in the system.

Do I think he'll come back for round #2? No.
Do I think he'll try this again with some other woman? Yes.

And that's where I have a shitload of guilt. If he does this again, and especially if he escalates and hurts someone, I could have stopped it and didn't. This is what keeps me up at night.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE ONLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY AND THAT OF YOUR FAMILY. THE SECURITY OF THE UNIVERSE IS NOT YOUR JOB.
YOU DID GOOD; YOU DID RIGHT. HE RAN AWAY, IT'S OVER.

stevierayv said...

Stop doing that guilt thing!

Doc said...

Angel you did the right thing. If you caught up in what ifs you will really drive yourself crazy. I agree with ElectricMonkey, as a woman and redhead you think it is your task to control all things, but you have to let it go! Hell get practiced up at the range! It'll make things feel all better!

Robert Fowler said...

Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Quit second guessing yourself. You turned a bad situation into a win, as in you didn't get hurt. Yours and your families safety should be the only thing on your mind. Maybe, somewhere down the road, someone will make him pay. Maybe in a big way, maybe in a "fatal" way

Just concern yourself with getting your mind right. You did good. Don't make me come down there.

Rich S. said...

You have no need to feel guilty.

What could you have done to end the threat to other women? Shoot him in the back as he ran?

No. You are not responsible for his actions. You are not responsible for protecting unknown others at an unknown future date. And, you would be far worse off if you'd pulled the trigger on a man who was running away.

You know this on an intellectual level and you're getting help that I pray lets you acknowledge it on an emotional one.

OK - you might have kept a closer watch on the guy, but you averted the threat when it occurred. Nobody's perfect.

When the crunch came, you WERE good enough. You trained, you didn't panic, you presented the gun in such a way that he took you seriously.

My ex has been in the position you are in. I can tell you from personal experience that the emotional toll on her was substantial, and I'm grateful that you have professional help, as well as a family support structure.

Volfram said...

I am afraid to love, because it always ends in pain.

I am afraid to shoot, because when you kill another person, you lose part of your humanity.

(That said, trading a part of your humanity to keep from losing all of it is a pretty good deal.)

Angel eyes said...

I sympathize with your what if's.
(as in what if I hadn't had kids...)
The cards have been played. It's out of your control as to what that dirtbag does next. I suspect that he'll be caught at a laundromat washing out his bvd's.
Maybe the Mamacitas there will stuff his dirty ass in an industrial dryer for a few hours. Or,
he may end up being goodified by a 12 gauge next time he tries that stunt.
Luvs from norcal

Unknown said...

Guilt is a bitter taste in your mouth. Let it go, it is hard, but he is no longer your problem. Let go and Let God. He'll get what is coming to him, hopefully at the end of a double barrel.

RabidAlien said...

You did everything right, considering the situation.

1. He approached you in a threatening (and lewd) manner.

2. You responded immediately, without hesitation, and with appropriate force.

3. He ran.

Now...I'm not a lawyer (not even an Internet web armchair forum lawyer), but the way I see it, you deescalated the situation. Had he *kept* advancing, then you could have solved one of the world's problems (albeit a minor, not-well-endowed one). The turd turned and ran, though. Had you fired, I have no doubt that you would have removed this annoyance from the face of the earth. However, at that point, you would now be sitting in jail, not surfing the web. As I said before, you have your daughters to think about. You did everything you needed to, the right way and at the right time to protect yourself, and, by extension, your family. That is ALL you are required to protect. What you need to do now, is to go and invest in some precious metals and send them downrange and high rates of speed. And take a friend with you. Spread the word. USE this experience to bring other women to the range and give them the power and ability and confidence to protect themselves from other turdburgers of the world. But you did nothing wrong in the scenario you described.

:knucklebump:

Hawken Cougar said...

What could have been:

One round in each kneecap and then start the tiller to make one pass across each side of the perp. Afterward you'd have calmly asked, So what do you think about the tiller?





Anonymous said...

You weren't paying attention. You hesitated. You second guessed your self. You spent days beating your self up & guilt tripping, which will make using your weapon even harder the next time. You don't need (I hope) a "head shrinker" you need about 60 days of intensive training in combat pistol craft. I like you kiddo; stop feelin' bad about meeting a two legged rattle snake. You did what you did, now learn from it and do better next time. Cowgirl up. Shot a Ta-kill-ya lime and salt, then get back on the horse---Ray

Jim22 said...

Angel,

You did have an opportunity to prevent him from trying it again with someone else. Wisely, you chose not to shoot him. Had you done so the reaction of the police would have been different. They would have questioned the need to perforate. That is their job. You would have felt worse than you do now.

When something evil happens there is no good outcome. Some are better or worse than others. You chose well. You chose the best course. Accept that.

You are experiencing doubts. That's normal. Remember this: There is no other scenario that would have turned out better for you and your family.

Remember that you have a responsibility to them. They were part of how and why you did what you did. They don't need a wife and mom who is at trial. They need you home with them.

Good job. Concentrate on getting over the trauma.

God Bless.

Wraith said...

God bless you, Angel--you did everything you had to do and everything you could do. This guy experienced what LawDog calls "an acute failure of the victim selection process."

Anonymous said...

While you are feeling like you should have done more, I have to tell you that telling your story will be enough. Reminding women and men that they are human and will let their guard down but to have the knowledge and calmness to turn a bad situation around if need be. I have forwarded your story to several friends and family, both young and old. Your story needs to be told, to remind them they don't have to be a victim and to remind them to learn some kind of self defense. I am sorry for what you have gone through but thankful to you for sharing.

hiswiserangel said...

Anonymous,
Thank you! That's why I posted it, if I can help one person, save one woman, then it was worth it.
Hugs.

Anonymous said...

"Hispanic man with the little wee-wee" yes redundant. It is not your job to be judge and jury, you defended yourself. Thank God you did but, when the asshole turns and runs the time for pulling the trigger is over. If you had pulled the trigger you would be dealing with a different type of guilt.

Fitty

DoubleTroubleTwo said...

It wouldn't be your fault girl. I'm so glad you weren't hurt.

Unknown said...

Your first instinct is/was to save yourself, and that's exactly what you did. Hopefully, if/when the perv strikes again, the next victim will take personal safety as seriously as you do and will be armed as well. If she happens to be an antigun crusader, well then, someone will be in for a rude awakening...

Rest easy, you've done good...