I bought a lovely bottle of pinot grigio to go with dinner prep, dinner, dessert, apres dessert, to watch with The Simpsons..... Wait, I digress. So I've got the salmon grilling and turn to open the wine to enjoy while I make my Paleo salad and grilled veggies. I got the foil off without issue and the corkscrew inserted, and start pulling. And pulling. And twisting, and sweating, and grunting, and cussing and PULLING. Twenty eight minutes later, this was where we were...
The salmon is done, the salad is still in it's organic form, and the veggies are still whole in the crisper. Do I care? Hell no, I'm getting the damned wine bottle open. By this time, the perfectly chilled bottle is closer to room temp from being clenched between my rock-hard, denim-clad thighs as I pulled, tugged and cursed. Well, at least it had stopped sweating and was easier to get a hold. Twenty more minutes of furious wrestling with the cork from Hell, the salmon is cold, the salad is wilted and the veggies are still raw, but I finally got the son of a bitch open. Tossed the salad in the compost pile, the salmon to the cats, poured a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and a glass of Pinot and, Bon Apetit!
Next time....
7 comments:
from being clenched between my rock-hard, denim-clad thighs
OK, every guy reading this blog knows you had ulterior motives in posting this...! ;)
Yep, trying to get someone to buy me a badass corkscrew. :-D That's my only motive.
Yep. And Nixon's not a crook, Clinton didn't have sex with that woman, and Obummer's a Natural Born Citizen.
I believe you not, you devious vixen. If you were that desperate, you'd have simply smashed the neck off the bottle...!
Oh trust me, I considered that. I only pepper my stories with such nonsense to see who's actually reading them. You get an A+.
First and foremost you were using not only the wrong opener,but---you were not trying to open a bottle of Washington State wine. Those corks are as smooth as those rock hard thighs.
A waiters cork screw is what we use to open about two bottle a day.
Bev-mo or Wine etc. has good ones for about $9.00.
If you like that shit you were trying to open see if you can find Pacific Rim Reisling. Not the sweet just the plain. You will be a happy camper. Oh by the by it has a screw top. Don't be a cork snob---just try it.
Terry
WA
That shit I was trying to open is a very nice Texas wine. :-P I'll see if I can find the Pacific Rim, love a good reisling. I'm not a cork snob. I have considered moving to the white trash wine in the box.
Lucky wine bottle!
Post a Comment