Today was a BITCH. Got a call this morning from a panicked Poppy, mom had slipped in the bathroom and hit her head on the sink. I only caught the words, "gash, blood, ambulance" and knew where they were headed. I met them in the ER and held Poppy's hand while they examined mom and made sure she hadn't knocked something loose. It was good and bad; his guard was down and we got to reconnect after a little falling out a few weeks ago; cleared up some things. We were planning a trip to the cabin after school's out when the doctor came out to let us know they'd stitched up mom's noggin and were admitting her overnight for observation. She's a tough old bird; we redheads have thick skulls. SHUT UP.
After I got them settled in a room, I went back to their place to gather her hospital documents (living wills and shit, I hate that) and pack an overnight bag, feed Snoopy and lock up. By 12:30, they set me free; I had some Walmart shopping to do and I was perfectly dressed in tshirt, Stewie Griffin pj pants and sequined camo houseshoes. But I digress. Two things I picked up were tiny little bottles of Sutter Home Moscato wine and a Gold's Gym 2.5 pound hula hoop. Not a planned selection, it just happened.
Fast forward, chicks have been fed and I'm bored. Time to break in the old hula hoop, it's been about 30 years. I am surprisingly good; first trial 22:17. Then I had some wine. Second trial 18:02. More wine. 15:52, oh so close! More wine, laying on the couch saying "hula hoop" with each letter alphabetically: "aula aoop", "bula boop", "cula coop", "dula doop"..... Took the hoop out in the back yard to get really crazy. Realized I'm too buzzed for crazy hula hooping....
So now I'm back in the house with a third glass of wine, or bottle, I think one little bottle is equal to a glass but I'm not sure, anywhoo....sitting here blogging, admiring my hula hoop and searching for a little digital video camera. If I can figure out how, I'll record and post my hula hooping prowess.
8 comments:
Drunk Hoola-hooping?
I see a new reality show on our horizon.
Add nudity and we're talking REAL money with DVDs.
Too buzzed to hula hoop? How can that be, your not even typing with a slur at all :)
dressed in tshirt, Stewie Griffin pj pants and sequined camo houseshoes
wonder if anyone took a picture
you might end up in a post over at wirectters
livin to ride
After one buddy was trying to hook up with some chick in WA state while in VA on MY phone (the soon to be ex didn't believe me later), I came up with some general guidelines.
1) Deny yourself access to any and all pagers, cell phones and rotary phones if they exist any more. Particularly yours. No, mom nor the boss wants to hear about just how profound Arrested Development is after a fifth of Blanton's.
2) Avoid those taking pictures and/or video. Somewhere on Youtube there is a video of me doing unspeakably stupid things in a McDonalds parking lot at 1:30 in the morning. Nobody want's to hear you sing Garth Brooks.
3) Don't get on the internet. Just don't. The things my reprobate friends have googled and I have witnessed thanks to the wonders of Apple TV and a 60" television cannot be unseen. You will probably develop unhealthy suspicion of all Brazilians as the unrepentant spawn of Satan whose sexual proclivities defy the laws of nature and good taste. You will ask stupid questions like are midgets midgets everywhere, and your idiot friend will provide ample evidence confirming your suspicions. Learn from my mistakes. The internet is a dark and dangerous place for the intoxicated.
The key to major league drinking is planning. It will keep the judgmental/curious glares of your neighbors to a minimum the next day, and those awkward text apologies for that picture you sent won't have to happen. Thanks for reminding me how irresponsible I am... ;)
I wanna see these these hula hooping prowness pics.
Heh.
Bob
III
Heck with hula-hooping *pictures*! We all want to see the *video*! Yay! :-)
Rusty
And speaking of hula-hooping, check out "Revolva" at revolva.net. She used to be in my area of Michigan and have seen her perform several times. She can spin several hoops at the same time, using her arms, legs, and neck. Also does a lot of gymnastic type moves.
So check here out, but be careful if you decide to try some of her hooping moves lest you dislocate something vital!
Rusty
A gyrating ginger...YIKES!
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