The Panhandle Plague of Christmas 2012

Everybody is down with the creeping crud this week. And when I say everybody, I mean everybody. Mom, dad, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles, pizza delivery guy and Charlie just sneezed on my bare toes. Everybody is sick and whiny and looking for comfort. So what's a mom to do? Put on her headphones, blast the Eagles and ignore them until the little AOL dude says "You've Got Mail" (I'm a sucker for kitsch). Anyhoo, I open the message and it's a kick-ass Chicken Soup recipe from a reader in Nevada that looks like just what the Doctor ordered. How serendipitous is that? So, knowing how this stuff flies through the blogosphere striking down blogger after blogger, I'm sharing the recipe with y'all and a link to Shitbagster.

Thank you, Jason, for the head's up.

BEST CHICKEN SOUP RECIPE EVER

INGREDIENTS:

1-1/2 LB. FRESH CHICKEN TENDERS

1/2 LB. BACON

1/2 MEDIUM SIZE ONION

4 CELERY STALKS

2-3 MEDIUM CARROTS

1 TBS. GARLIC POWDER

OR

5 CHOPPED GARLIC CLOVES

1 LARGE HANDFUL EGG NOODLES (TECHNICALLY SPEAKING)

* * * * *

 

WHAT TO DO:

START BY THROWING THE CHICKEN INTO A STOCK POT WITH SOME SALT (A PINCH WILL DO) & A SPOONFUL OR SO OF OLD BAY SEASONING. BRING TO A BOIL, THEN LET ‘ER RIP FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE DONE ALL THE WAY THROUGH AT THIS POINT, JUST ENOUGH TO CUT WITHOUT MAKING A BIG MESS.

PULL THE CHICKEN AND CHOP IT INTO BITE SIZED CHUNKS AFTER IT COOLS A BIT. THROW IT INTO THE CROCK POT.

STEP 2:

CUT UP YOUR BACON INTO BITES. FRY IT IN A PAN UNTIL IT’S CRISPY OR HOWEVER YOU LIKE BACON (MMMMMMMMM).

THROW IT AND BACON GREASE INTO CROCK POT.

I LIKE TO USE SOME OF THE CHEAPER STUFF SO I CAN HAVE A BIT MORE OIL IN THE POT.

NEXT STEP:

CHOP UP THE CELERY, CARROTS, ONION, AND GARLIC. THROW THEM INTO THE CROCK POT.

ADD ABOUT 10 CUPS WATER.

TOSS IN 2-3 CHICKEN BULLION CUBES (DEPENDING ON THE SIZE).

YOU CAN ADD A PINCH OF SALT AT THIS POINT IF YOU WANT TO.

FINAL STEP:

THIS IS THE EASY PART. TURN YOUR CROCK POT ON HIGH AND LET IT GO FOR THE NEXT FOUR OR FIVE HOURS.

GIVE IT A STIR NOW AND THEN (THIS WILL HELP SMELL THE HOUSE UP TO INCREASE THE APPETITES).

FINAL, FINAL STEP:

JUST BEFORE DINNER TIME (ABOUT A HALF HOUR) THROW IN THAT PRECISELY MEASURED HANDFUL OF EGG NOODLES. LET ‘EM GET COOKED THROUGHOUT, THEN PULL THE CROCK & SET IT OUT TO COOL FOR A GOOD 15-20 MINUTES. USUALLY BY THIS TIME WE’RE ALL STARVING (THIS WILL DRIVE THE FAMILY NUTS).