Mom came home today. Yes, day three and they kicked her out. She has range of movement from flat to 90 degree bend at knee, has mastered the walker and steps, and demanded her freedom. So after a doctor's appointment (fasting bloodwork), getting the new van an oil change (400 miles over), I met Poppy at the hospital to get her loaded up and moved home.
Getting her out was an ordeal, think fidgety toddler in church that's gone on 20 minutes too long. She practically leaped from the bed to the wheelchair, and then complained Poppy was taking too long with the ride home. We got her up the stairs and ensconced in the guest room with her medieval torture device that bends and straightens her knee round the clock, TV remote, cell phone fully charged, snacks and water. Good to go, I left.
On the way home, I realized I hadn't eaten since yesterday at 5 when I had a broiled chicken breast, broccoli and some butternut squash soup. Yay. The van took a detour into Jeff's Grandburger for chicken strips and fries for the chicks and a double bacon chili cheeseburger and onion rings for momma. Fuck Paleo, this is fucking survival.
Max, who had been locked in the laundry room since 8:45 this morning, greeted me at the door like a kindergartener on Pixie sticks. I mean, he was flat out levitating. Took him out to potty and got him settled down in time to go get the chicks. Hamburger still waiting on stove. Max came with me.
Everybody home, fed, settled, blissful post-orgasmic smile on my chili stained face. I settled down to do some reading, check emails and relax. And the phone rings.
"Hi mom, what's up?"
"What....what..what's this...what am I taking here?"
"It's your pain medication. Remember we stopped to get it filled."
"It's, it's not, Tylenol? I take Tylenol."
"No mom, it's Norco, Hydrocodone."
"Codeine! I'm on drugs?! I don't want to get hooked, don't make me go on Dr. Phil."
"Mom, it's okay, you aren't going to get hooked, and even if you do I promise no Dr. Phil."
"Dr. Phil is an asshole."
"Okay mom, but it's working right? You don't have any pain?"
"Yeah, it's great! I love this stuff, I'm sleepy."
"Good mom, just snuggle down and go to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Okay, just stop calling me so I can sleep."
"Hey, Poppy, how you doing? She giving you any trouble?"
"No more than normal, you know your mom."
"Yeah, sorry about that. ~snicker~"
"Okay, she's out, how many refills do you think I can get of this stuff?"
"I didn't hear that, Poppy. I'll call you in the morning. Love y'all!"