For the last couple of months, I've been slowly giving up. On everything. This is the danger one faces when indulging in fantasies instead of embracing reality. I'm ashamed I got trapped by it. I let FairytaleAngel out to play and she went bat-shit crazy, dreaming dreams and expecting Happily Ever Afters with Prince Charming. Silly little bitch. And while she took over, WarriorAngel took a leave of absence. So when the dreams started showing holes, and Reality bitch-slapped me, I started sliding. I stopped caring, stopped working out, stopped prepping, stopped planning, just stopped. A particularly brutal Mother's Day weekend, and I was done. I was ready to lay down and let the darkness roll over me. Why prepare to fight the Coming Storm when there's nothing good to fight for?
Last week found me going through the motions, chatting with friends, posting, everyday chores in a daze. When you feel too much, the soul's natural response is to shut off and feel nothing, armor against more heartache. When you get that low, the choice is to quit for good or fight. I just didn't want to fight anymore. And then Friday, nothing will pull you out of a black funk like your child writhing on the floor in pain. WarriorAngel wasn't done yet.
While FairytaleAngel has been sitting on the couch in her Snuggie, eating bonbons and watching Bridget Jones' Diary, WarriorAngel has been kicking my ass. We decided FTA needs to go; not only is she not pulling her weight, she's dragging me down. So she and her fairy tales, her Prince Charming and her Happily Ever After have been stuffed in a box, wrapped with multiple layers of duct tape and shoved in the black hole that is my psychological junk closet.
And then WarriorAngel proceeded to kick my sappy ass with the 90 minute WarriorAngel Basic Training.
3 15-minute miles at 4.0 incline
3 sets of 15:
20-minute yoga cool-down
Who needs romance when you have endorphins? Next, back to a regular range schedule and back to looking for a private Krav Maga instructor who can take me before the Second Coming.